this is me

2011-08-12T10:39:00.002+08:00

sarah sarah stop crying sarah.. stop crying.. stop crying sarah.. put on a brave front.. you can do this.. i know u can.. :(

what can i do to get out of this.. tell me dear lord.. show me your way.. or take me away.. shall i jump. shall i quit. can i just not go to work? can i?

2011-08-12T01:42:00.002+08:00

because, no amount of pep talks and talking about life stories will work.. theres only self motivation to push me through. and a heavens worth a prayers..

how i sleep? cry myself to sleep. even it cant solve anything.. i just come natually..

im really really sick of all this. really. why cant i do it right? why do i always do it wrongly. y do you not give me chances. Y. ='(
im still trying to get used. really. SIGH.

2011-03-25T00:56:00.003+08:00

Bias-ness.

i hate and detest biasness. =(
i worked so hard, i really tried so hard. and all i get is a B. you know when i first saw the mark, i was grateful, until i knew his mark.
im so annoyed. so very annoyed.
all the more when i heard w39's marks. like WTF its balant, obvious BIAS-NESS.
if he's marks are like B+... sudah man, fine. but it's A!!! its.a.freakin'.A. althought i admit he's better than me, but A?? seriously?

i want to do stuff. really. im sooo sooo bored and i am soo soo sooooo dead-assed broke.
BROKE is I. hi! my name is Bankrupt. how do you do? nice meeting you. STUPID HEAD.
kthanksbye.

2010-10-30T11:19:00.006+08:00

The art climbing the career ladder:

1) be very quick to expose others' mistakes

2) be very quick to deny ur own mistakes/ push the

blame to others

3) intrigue ur supervisor enough that they will want

you the whole time

4) learn to be a hypocrite

5) always be seen being busy

I'll never never forget this. i need to climb. i need to grow. i cannot stay at the bottom. i will not be laughed at. this is the promise to myself.

I HAVE TO KEEP CLIMBING.

2010-09-01T20:42:00.002+08:00

HOW TO WRECK YOUR LIFE
http://www.theedge.org.sg/media/podcasts

1st Samuel 13

Make Bad Decisions by:

1)Live based on your feelings
-"i thought that.. i felt that..". The first inpulse, is not always the best decision. animals live based on their feelings. your not an animal.. if you would have listened to God,
2)Make excuses for compromise
-if you dont live according to principles in your life, you gonna make bad decisions. dont compromise, dont make excuses. its the little things that will trip you up. its not a principle unless you live by it.
3) Dont consult with anybody
-decide by yourself. make decisions without telling anyone. what if your mum suddenly shaved bald, or leave her job. e.g. flight attendent in US. in a multitude of counselours theres safety.
4) Make the decision when your tired, burnout, and angry.
-e.g. on FB. you post something on the wall when your angry. dont make a major decision(s) in your life when your in a wrong frame of mind. and its dangerous.
"those that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength"
wait a little longer before you make those decisions. wait a little longer before you make a decision that you will regret for the rest of your life.
5)Blame everyone but yourself

what are your decisions based on?

Good foundations for decisions:

1) Ask for help
- James 1:5 [if you dont know what your doing, pray. He LOVES to help.]
why dont you wait for his answer. dont let it be a one sided conversation.
2)Decide based on his word
-Mathew 7:24 [anyone who listens to my word and follows it, its like a solid rock foundation you can build your house on]
there are many opinions and perspectives in this world. but God's word has authority. because he made you and he made this world. he knows the begining and the END. only he knows where are you going to end up.

i kinda miss EDGE. =/
but.. i still am very reluctant to go..
so im listening to the awesome msges on podcast.. =D

making bad decisions..
exams on friday.. i have not yet memorised all the chapalang.. bad decision.. i know..
=((
exams are disgusting luh.. haiyo.

i sooooo cannot wait for after exams when it ends on next wed..
next wed.. mona asked whether i want to go clubbing that night.. first gut feeling was NO. then it was maybe..
i still dont know.. but i guess im a little more on the NO..
cause.. i wanted to go clubbing cos i was curious.. yes first time was fun.. but after that it got a little boring and i couldn't get high cause alcohol kinda makes me tired.. =/

oh well.. im going to try and STUDY now.. NOW NOW NOW.
i hope i can memorise all that crap.. SIGH.

till then..

2010-08-09T23:34:00.002+08:00

WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU

WHEN YOU DONT SUPPORT YOUR OWN CHILD

2010-08-01T01:16:00.002+08:00

its about 1.15am

you know..
now i have realised that overly emo people are relly irritating..
i sympathize with them and half of me wants to hug them and tell them that its gonna be over real soon.. the over half of me wants to slap them and scold them and tell them that their irritating..

i really wonder whether there are people out there who reads this blog... =/

2010-07-08T21:52:00.001+08:00

im suddenly fill with much love to overflowing..

but then i wondered who can i give this love to?
then my feelings suddenly wnt verr low..
cause i dont have anybody to share it with.... =/

that is all.

2010-07-01T23:09:00.003+08:00

Need You Now Lyrics

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

woah woaaah.

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now (wait)
Ooo, baby, I need you now

Welcome To My Life

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

its just how i've been feeling this past few... days?weeks?months? idk how long.. cause it seems to drag as long as i've known..
its just im sick of the pretense.. yet im stuck.. why are we bluffing so much? this isn't supposed to be the way things work..
you said you know me.. you said you could tell something was wrong, something happened.. so what if you knew me well? so what. even if you think you know me well, even if you do know me well... well im sorry.. I DON'T KNOW OR RECOGNISE YOU AT ALL.

im not your ________.. i don't even tell you my problems.. i seem happy going and easy and fun on the outside.. but do you know.. sometimes im darn SICK of listening.. its not even worth listening.. psh. what are you, but just someone in life i have to pass through.

i only want to live for myself and myself alone.
not even my family was there for me. i even had to comfort other people. did you know how depressed i was. did you know what its like to put on a comforting smile and say reassuring words when all you want to do is cry.

do you know?

2010-06-17T11:51:00.000+08:00

dear blog..

why doesnt anybody talk to me? not on facebook.. not on twitter.. not even sms..
its just sad.. i envy people like tina and diyana.. people talk to them.. they have many relationships.. like people can relate to them.. why cant i?

is there something wrong.. why isit that people can't open their mouth to talk to me?

other than toh yong gui..
but he usually only asks me weird health questions..
which is sometimes irritating.. but.. funny.. (:

but on the whole.. im just a whole lot of disappointed.

2010-06-16T23:34:00.002+08:00

i suddenly feel so exhausted and tired..

i hope unty joan gets well soon.. so that my heart can stop aching.. and tears can stop flowing..

i dont feel like going sentosa tomorrow.. i really just want to pass the stuff to dolly and go home..

serene jie jies 2nd anniversary is coming.. i still miss her so much.. so much it aches.. i'll never have a best friend like her.. i have never been that comfortable with any other people before.. i miss her soo much.. ='(

2010-06-02T11:26:00.001+08:00

imma be, or at least try to be, as silent as possible.

im not appreciated. i feel the radiating hate. i cant put up with this gig for long.. its all gonna crash down soon.

2010-05-19T00:08:00.003+08:00

you know..
i can never understand how people do it when they say 'im sad' or 'im angry' and so they just put on earplugs, and on very loud music..
how does they help you. for me it doesnt get me distracted. on the contrary i feel worse. my brain will keep generating new thoughts.. however loud the music is.. whichever upbeat song i play.. it will just not help and be in the background..

so. music doesnt help me AT ALL.

however; TV, youtube, going out, alcohol , talking to random people like yong gui , ila, gariel , dolly, jovi....
it helps.. there may be some blank spaces here and there.. but on the whole.. it helps. ((:
i think that for me.. visual and auditory distraction combined is good.. it keeps my brain working on somethings else without running away from me and telling me stuff i dont want to listen..

frankly. dear blog. i tired and scared of people aroud me dying.. im petrified.
so when i hear another news about someone dying.. i put on a smile and run away.. i dont want to think..
i dont even go and see her anymore..
im just running and running even though its constantly at the back of my head.. it seems like im better of avoiding and running away..

who knows when someones going to die.
i dont want to be hurt anymore.

2010-05-13T22:03:00.002+08:00

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thats all i keep thinking. thats all that kept me smiling.

2010-05-13T20:48:00.002+08:00

im deep. yes i know..

so dont talk deep about life with me..
the things i'll say.. you wont even think about.. you wont even come close.. not even near the smoke from the iceberg.

just dont. dont get me started.

so many things you dont know about me. nobody knows. and thats what it'll be. silent.
and thats what i'll be. superficial.

2010-05-04T23:00:00.002+08:00

i was brought up into the world with innocence and trust.. but innocence, peace and trust is not what governs this world. what governs this world is of hatred, lies, deceit, backstabbing, and heart breaking.

when i met society, i found that there were still many lessons life had to offer.. and they were not easy..

next time, when/ if i have children.. i will teach them the ways of society. i will teach them not to trust any tom dick or harry. i will teach them that people are prone to change. i will teach them to choose their friends well. i will teach them that people, if threatened, will by all means stab you in the back at the least expected times. i will teach them life is never a bed of roses and that they should be wary of those around them. i will teach them to be like the society. i will teach them to change and manipulate people or environments around them. i will teach them about relationships, to be the one to cause the heartache. i will teach them to backstab. i will teach them to lie. i will teach them the wicked ways of the world.

this i will teach so that society will not turn against them, but they will be the society that turns against others. this i will teach so that their hearts will be less prone to hurt.
this i will teach to ensure survival for them.

2010-04-24T00:08:00.001+08:00

i know its a little perverted... but its damn hilarious!!! =D

2010-04-20T21:07:00.001+08:00

keep silent, maybe one day you'll make it. yes babe, 142 relationships, its all gonna end soon i know yr heartbroken.. so am i

2010-03-06T13:17:00.002+08:00

i dont like it when i hurt someone.. willingly or unknowingly. especially if its someone i care about.. and i am still feeling very guilty about ramona and the genting thing.. im sorry..

but, on the other hand, i dont like it when someone does it back to me..
because it seems like the relationship and friendship seems like, nothing.
i don't know why i keep trusting you over time and time again. but i will learn this time. maybe i will..

2010-03-04T11:16:00.003+08:00

we keep seeing things about love.. things like- "if you love her/him let them go.. if it was meant to be, they will come back"

to a certain extent, i think its...... wrong.

cause God so loved the world, he gave his only son.. Jesus.
and because of this he also says that he is a selfish God, he wants us to have him as our only God. no other God.. and he gives us everything that we need.. therefore we love him and respect him and are in awe of him..

i believe thats love.
and if you really really really LOVE somebody..
take him/her back.
if you think that you can really really really provide better for that person.. i believe that person will love you back..
people are people.. they change.
what makes you think that whatever love they are experiencing lasts forever?

if you love a person sooo sooo sooo much.
take him/her back. and provide him/her with what they need and more.
im sure they will love you back.

and if - " let them go" , thats what you do, will you not try to mend your broken heart? because maybe deep down she may never come back? And then, just what if, you got somebody already.. and suddenly she wants you back. you think you can suddenly run back to her like last time? NO.
and thats the fact. i highlight this, PEOPLE CHANGE.
people's feeling and emotions change..

i believe, sometimes in life, you gotta be a predator.
because God didn't make you a prey. He made you with a life, will strength and audacity to live your life and to face the horrors of this world.

so, next time if i hear someone saying - let them go, if it was meant to be yours the person will come back."
i'll probably slap the person first... (:

(btw, if people DO read this, im going to private the blog back on, 10march (: happy holidays.. )

2009-12-31T15:22:00.002+08:00

it pisses me off when people are not sincere.
you either ask, or dont ask. and when you ask, you better mean it..

its revolting to know such people..
know why?
because when they ask you, you know that their sooo not sincere.
its damn bloody obvious. since their not sincere, they want you to say no, most of the time..
but refusing them is not polite.. so what are u going to do??

yes or no?

for me, since i know its gonna be super super awkward..
i'll say no.
but.... i don't know how to say this.. i want to be comfortable, since i know them for like couple of years already, but yet we r still not that close.. even the longest friend i know, im also not that close.

cause i feel that its damn awkward.

='(
i cant say anymore cause i dunno how to say it..
but even if i say it, nothings gonna change the way things work..

so for now, i guess im gonna forever gonna be saying..
"i got other plans, not going.. (:"
or, i guess i'll save my msg n b silent mode..

2010's right at our doorstep
next year's gonna b a hard tough year..
esp. when i now know that, friends, are not what they seem to be.
when they seem to be yr good friends, ones that will stick to you and never go away.. those were all lies.
you got to stand by yourself. cause life's actually not that nice. and Bible says, life's a bunch of tests and trials..
everybody has them, why should they help you when they have their own stuff, own problems?
this year, i've changed the way i think.
i'm not going to go around thanking and thanking..

my resolution next year, is to learn how to stand on my own feet. not to trust people easily, not to hope too much.
because then, i wont get hurt so easily at things that are small and minute.

happy new year.

2009-10-26T18:45:00.001+08:00

forgive me for wanting such a cute cute person for a brother!
and yes i took his picture without him knowing.. dont sue me. =D

2009-10-22T21:26:00.002+08:00

today, as i sit there and listen.
i can actually feel the pain from the patient. and i know this sounds weird but i almost cried..

at the end i dont understand how they treat it as another good case, another good interview. theres so much pain you just feel like hugging him and tell him its alright that he is in safe hands.. but you cant.

aiyaa.. i dunno why i so emo after the interview/ mental state examination.. and i keep thinking about it thinking about how i want to help him but i cant, and he's in a different ward too. he's really such a nice person, and if i can i would really want to help him and see him grow. he said he wants to be a tuition teacher, and he said he has a girlfriend, so why doesnt he have hope for his future?

haish. emo.
J is damn cute! =P
so is thomas.. and the dunno what kah.. i forgot his name.. =X
M is such a sweet sweet fellow and E is soo good in socialising..
so many many bright futures i see, but yet im only here for 2 weeks. its a sad thing really.

then i come home, i read jean's blog and realise im soo not in touch with society..
life now is, work home sleep work home sleep.
tsk. i dont even get to see ila often too!
=(

crap. i just realise tom orrow is friday and we havent finish preparing for activity.. oh no! must go find liping..

oh by the way.. i realise that advertisments should put words like crop or crisp..
someone who happen to glance through will be reading the word 'crap' and have to read again.. its darn funny.. happen alot of time already.. or maybe im just old and my mind is playing illusions.. lols! =X

anyways, good nights.

2009-10-21T16:45:00.002+08:00

sleep is essential during attachment. especially when one is attachment to IMH, woodbridge.. seriously.

therefore, the mini number of people who actually spend time to read this blog, i appreciate you. in turn, be thankful. HA! =X

big and rounded eyes, full of emotion
lights up beautifully when he smiles
full of yearning sadness when he stands at a corner
wonderful creation of God
a child stuck in time
that cute irresistible hello
just makes me want to bring him home

his darn darn darn cute.. and if i had it my way, i want him as my brother.
dear God, exchange please!!

he reminds me of the patient who had a broken leg..
such trusting eyes, yet i hurt him.
i feel so sad.. if i could i'll turn back time and maybe do something about it..
oh nevermind, i doubt someone understands.

morning shift tomorrow, damn it.
bipolar A.D.O.N works morning, shit.
and the pt. is discharged today! cannot see his darn cute face and his darn cute smile saying hi.
='(

2009-10-19T21:27:00.001+08:00

TADA!!!! -bows-
thankyou! (:

2009-10-17T00:30:00.001+08:00

live in the now, for the now. and enjoy it.

just a little bit more honey, hang in there.

2009-10-14T12:49:00.002+08:00

2009-10-13T15:39:00.003+08:00

this is just gonna be a short post..
lols! havent all my recent posts been quite short.. (:

i used to like blogging..
but by and by, im just getting lazier i guess.. and nobody's reading anywayy..
cause nobody's been tagging for 10thousand years..
so i just come once in a while to keep the blog somewhat, alive.

alright.. heres the update..

wasted my holiday away.. going out, slacking at home, going to take care of my grandmother.. i forgot when, seemed like the holiday went by like a breeze. and this week is the last week.

yesterday i got a call from fazila.. the attachments placings/itp are out..
soo.. next week for 2 weks im attachment to imh.. the following 2 weks at kkh..
yupp, haven't even start school, attachment first.. yippee.

ohh by the way. im not emo-ing.. (:

i was wondering about attachments/itp
other courses, their itp is a one shot, 6 months, end of the 3yr course.
ours is multiple multiple itp, fragmented timing, all around the 3yr course.
sometimes, its fun.. sometimes, its not. sometimes, its taxing..
sgh, nuh, ttsh just finished their attachments last week. next week their going attachments again. i admire.
i miss them soo.. havent sen them for about 2 months plus already.. looking forward to school reopening, stuck with attachments. -SIGH!-

i hope during kk(peads) that i will and can control myslef. you know, i dislike small people. already those babies- all crying until you feed them. so you feed the first baby and on and on. when you get to the last baby, the first starts crying again for diaper change. that wann really needed alot of patience sia.. i hope peads will be better.. although i doubt it.. but, dear Lord give me strength, tolerance and wisdom.

=/
i hope jeans wrist gets better.. her exams are coming soon..
dear Daddy God.. heal. amen.

tonight im going work with daddy.. (:
pay is a damn satisfactory thing.. hahaa! i hope attachment 'pay' comes in quick. im soo pok-ed already.
God bless my bank account, turn it into gold. (:

im trying to watch bleach.. but the video doesn't want to load properly..
jovi says that bleach and naruto is vulgar.. lols! what the the "teh meh" and "bakaero"
but is not bad lahh.. especially naruto.. (:
i guess, its the rare anime that i like.. i really like it. not because jean intro-ed it.. but i don't know.. i just like it.. but its still ongoing!!! so i had to pause watching.. tahan.. cause i dont like it when you watch to the end and have to wait for the next episode.. its damn "zek ark".

i wonder whether is there any anime thats like a good show or a story book like twilight or something.. no fighting and all.. so sian to watch people die, so heartache to be reminded of the people who left..
ohh.. talking about twilight, new moon's coming out! straight after my birthday.. (: how awesome is that! iknowright!
and and.. phua chu kang is back too! =D yayyness!
i cant wait to watch it tonight man! new season! actually if they replayed the old seasons oso happy.. but now got new season.. people become old and new people are added in.. =D rosie tay became thinner, phua chu kang became older.. i wonder what became of aloyssius? i don't how to spell that name.. hahaa!

next time if i had children (which i doubt) if its a boy i will name him aloyssius or raphael.. damn glam names.. (:
if its a girl.. probably gabrielle? some class name.. lols!
wads it to me today man!!
waiting for bleach to load become a little cuckoo already.. =D

ohh i realise.. todays post, is not very short.. =D

2009-10-07T00:34:00.003+08:00

HAHAHAHA!!!

im sorry! i just had to show this to people.! =D

2009-10-06T14:14:00.005+08:00

aishas wedding..
i got a sms late the night before from ila.. she said that she would not be able to make it to aishas wedding afterall.. somehow, i guess i was kind of expecting that.. cause i wasnt really disappointed cause maybe i gotta feeling that more people will ps.. i guess lifes like that.

anway..
dian, tina, monas friend, idayu and her fiance went to the wedding.. although it wasn't long.. but it was nice and happy while is lasted.. (:

after that went to white sand to wait for xue ming cause i wanted to see her pierce ear.. in the end waited to long.. from abt 3 to 5 plus.. then went home.. i saw jovi and her mother before that..

aunty had a operation cause a shelf fell down on her shoulder while she was working.. it was nice seeing them.. you know white sand has a new shop.. at the ex-ben n jerrys shop. its a yorgurt shop.. very interesting.. get as much yogurt as you want and you pay by weight.. nice huh! and alot of toppings! toppings are free!! so exciting.. i wanted to try but had no money.. aunty offered to treat.. but i refused.. lols! cannot be pampered already.. must stand on your own feet! (:

sunday was normal..
dawn asked if i wanted to go ikea eat with them.. i refused, cramps.
actually, i was kind of suprised that she would ask.. (: i thought she would just say hi or just continue walking.. i was suprised cause.. well, i havent been talking to them much since even before jean left. neither have i been going to nets or edge. i think you should know why..
sigh, its sad.. but its probably better this way.

monday, daddy went to tour agency the whole day..
so i stayed at home, watch shugo chara, bath eifle clean his cage, talk to ames about bread, talk to jean on skype, think about going to london scotland that side with mummy and daddy.. you know, the norms..
i really want to go london, but mummy says i have to pay myself.. but im not working or anything.. tsk.

you know so darn pissed with samuel tan. how come he is sooooo 2-faced! i dont understand how does everybody except him?? doesnt people just realised his such a double face person? and i dont know why but i still remeber people supporting him! example? he does something, and i didnt like it, so i told him off. so he starts talking back to me. me! his older sister! then of all the people, the wise D turns and admolished me. walao, shock of my life. and i know maybe im too touchy but when people put his name infront of mine.. i dont know, it gets to me. i know them longer yet his closer. it gets on my nerves.
im disgusted, yes, disgusted at samuel tan. the bloody 2-faced ass.
his friends should all stay with him, see how dirty he is.. see his room, attitude..
aiya whatever lah!

schools starting soon. i cant wait.. i dont think i'll go out with jovi today.. but tommorrow.
dont want to see my granmother so soon..
its not that i dont love her.. but she reeally gives alot of trouble.. she cant hear and cant remember and stubborn also..
sigh. i been complaining too much.. forgive me. (:

friday, kk appt: clinic D-gynae. 1530hrs.
the doctor that pisses me of. give me wrong and expensive medicine. screw him.
how? i also want to go out with dolly on friday leh.. -sigh-

2009-09-30T21:37:00.003+08:00

UPDATED.
(2150hrs, 30/09/2009)

super emo today..
cause had to go waste time and waste money..

but mona came to find me and made my day.. =D
thank you babes!!

i've been thinking..
on my birthday.. i want to go lao pa sat to eat supper.. then go esplanade outside stay up the whole night.. with uber close close friends like marhaini, ayu, ila, mona and dolly.. (:
i miss them all..
then that weekend can go clubbing.. and wear something, "boomz!" :D drinks on me i remember.. (:

i miss the company of dawn and joshua and eujinn and jean and shaun and jonathon and all..
but i guess i choose to move on.. to be the odd one out..
well, thats forever me in church.. i'll never be comfortable.

aisha's wedding this coming saturday.. i wonder whos able to go.. i want to go! i hope ila doesnt suddenly want to out.. then leave me alone.. cause, marhaini's not going.. ayus going awhile only and liping.. -.- liping got nothing to wear so maybe not going.
i think i wear that time wear to babe birthday wann la.. long sleeve so ok.. -cross fingers-

tomorrow is childrens day.. to all those child-at-hearts; happy childrens day!!! (:

(0910hrs,30/09/2009)

2009-09-30T10:51:00.000+08:00

mummy, can't you see its so hard for me to keep going for appointments?
can't you let me not go?

mummy im tired.
im tired of wasting money to see that im still fine, my bodys still working.
im tired of wasting time to go all the way.
even more so, now that i have to go alone.
='(

its really like the song by beyonce, LISTEN.

sometimes i just wish.....
sometimes i just wish.....
maybe i could turn time round, back into the womb?
or maybe i could, stop my heart during the operation?
or maybe, my heart would just give up. just like i did.

2009-09-29T00:40:00.004+08:00

probably im being judgmental..

but i think the guys in my class are seriously lousy.
rayson- he a tiko through and through. i still remember first year first sem, he still wanted to challenge my results. ha! good for him. now he stay back 1 sem. i laugh.
yong gui- 原本以为他是ok的。没想到原来他是那么得令人失望。in the end also results down the drain, and no more nursing.
hexun- i believe, in life, most of what he knows is to complian. i mean, what he is now, he brought it on himself what. why the nonsense is he blaming the whole world and also drag others to help him when he doesnt really help himself. yes, he keeps saying he will 'jiayou' and study hard. but come down to the basics, he burns late night oil.
ohh almost forget jamal- actually he nothing much. didnt talk to him much and vice versa. but when he needs help.. its like your debted to him to help. luckily i not so ngam with him. even though i know him from secondary..

i really really wonder. why cant the guys in my class be like eriko or gariel or JP..
somehow, im really disappointed.

if yong gui reads this, sorry. but i really really thought you could.

**note to self- sarah tan.. stop trying, stop getting your hopes up. cause its not going to work. its gone.
ohh; thank you jean for the note. (:

2009-09-25T12:48:00.002+08:00

holidays are here, and i have nothing to do..
so im here to blog.. (:

attachment is over.! yayy!
this time the attachment, not bad.. (: i guess cause the CI was super nice.. i thought she was aiming me at first.. but looking around at everybody else, i guess i can say that my theory base was quite weak.. especially the medications..
met different types of people during attachment.. and they taught me many different things like having ample knowledge, but don't know how to apply, having ample knowledge and helping other people, or having some knowledge and want to teach people who know more than you.. being double-faced, or people who talks behind your back but pretend to be close to you..
i knew there were people in the world like that.. but it didnt really occur to me that people like that would, i don't know, appear like that..
the world is vicious.
i should learn how to observe people like fazila.. =D shes really super spot on..

exam results are out!
and i didnt fail anything! (:
yes im super happy and contented and all.. hahaa!
looking back to the exam period.. =/ it was soo uber super stress cause it was straight after attachments.. 3 days to study.. so stressed like mad then still have to do housework.. -sigh-
but luckily, no supp paper!! especially for adult nursing..
i think i failed the paper.. cause 20marks question didnt really do.. and also because presentation our group got A, but overall marks i got D+.. =X
althought im glad i dont have any supp paper, but im a little bit disappointed that dispite working and studying to hard.. my results were mostly Cs and Ds.. maybe more Cs would be better..
however, my GPA did improve though.. (: from 1.7 to a close to 1.9.. but im jealous of ames, his GPA improve by 0.4.. announce over msn somemore.. tsk. =D

speaking of ames.. he got a part time job at the F1 thing.. iknowright! so good!

yesterday idayu invited me to her open house for hari raya.. this saturday afternoon..
but i also want to go to church listen to the sermon cause special speaker and he also will be talking about the truth about harry potter and the games and occult and all.. super interesting i wann to listen.. but then idayus open house.. =(
its hard to decide.

been watching the 9pm show recently.. its very nice!! and also very heartbreaking.. when he died then the ex-girlfriend found his diary.. -sigh-
i think the song on the show <> is NICE NICE NICE!!!
when i die.. i want that song at my funeral.. =D

just finish watching marley and me, bride wars and shopaholic.. wohoo!!
of all.. shopaholic is not say very nice.. cause.. doesnt really follow the story line other than the last part about the green scarf..
i cant wait for new moon and coraline to come out in movies!! =D

tonight the attachment people going out for supper.. i hope everyone can go.. (:

2009-09-18T08:46:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARHAINI!!!

YOUR 1 YEAR OLDER, 1 YEAR WISER, 1 YEAR CLOSER

TO HAVING A FOOTBALL TEAM!!!!! =D

2009-09-17T22:25:00.002+08:00

According to AsiaOne
[[http://www.asiaone.com/News/AsiaOne%2BNews/Malaysia/Story/A1Story20090917-168346.html]]

Indonesian maids practising witchcraft

Thu, Sep 17, 2009
The Star/Asia News Network

China Press reported that a handful of Indonesian maids practised witchcraft by contaminating meals and drinks with their menstrual blood and urine, done in the hope of building a closer rapport with their employers.

They believed that their ties with their employers would be enhanced once their bosses consumed the contaminated drinks, especially those mixed with their menstrual blood.

Religious scholar Wang Chen Fa said such a practice was common in Indonesia as it was deemed "powerful" and harmless to the health.

"In ancient China, the menstrual blood and urine of female virgins were mixed with other liquid as medication," he was quoted as saying.

--The Star/ANN

EEEWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! walaoeh! so gross cann!

i got nothing more to say..
except today was uber fun.. (: talking to the B32 uncle..
bitching about the Jsquares..
also saw chia at canteen during break..
(:
today was funnest maxed. =D

2009-09-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

yayys! blogger is fixed..
(: so long never blog already..

had stinkin attachments at ward29..
not bad la the ward.. the staff there are really nice except *ahem* i shan't mention names.. =X

i kena scolding from some teacher.. then the staff nurses all very good.. =D
especially when staff nurse nurul she told me if got any queries or anything cann ask her.. and EN lili ask me go break.. so sweet of them.. (:

this week was super super hectic.. no wait this 3weeks..
i dont know how to say.. but attachments really make my stress level shot up especially when its this ward.. and the CI also was not helping much.. didnt think i perform really well this attachments.. and i also keep thinking that me and ward29, 8words not together..

really damn sian.. then like i keep saying gariel.. like the gathered sian-ness, anger and bad feelings all throw at him when i see him from 1-3.. feel so sorry to him.. =/

i realised, i work with people who are double faced. and im not afraid to name them.. jamie, JP and maybe amalina.
seriously double faced.
for jamie right.. just plain talking about the case study, she choose patient A.. then we gathered all the information already.. then she come and say "oh this is not the patient i choose, i want to change patient" walaoeh!
then this JP.. i think right, we see him during attachment is acting all only.. who knows what goes on in his brain.. i think alot of people dont understand what im trying to say.. but i'll try.. during attachments right.. he will zi-high then try to infect the people around him.. at first i thought he very nice wann.. then yesterday when i msg him all he just reply a "Lol".. like not interested? i dont know what to say lah.. but i think he realy quite 2-faced.. then today he keep aski ng people to add him on msn because he talk to liping sian already.. i then talk to him sian already leh! tsk!

then the SSN... oh goodness! LMAO!!
ohh! ask me and i'll tell you.. super lazy to write everything here.. =D

attachments are coming to an end!! lalala~
i hope next time they post me to a nice ward.. like 47.. with dylia.. (:

i super hope next week when results come out got NO supp paper..
next week.. hope thursday cann go out swensons with ames.. and maybe jo? i don't know see where things lead me.. and friday got supper with xueming all.. (: whee~

okaes.. i shall end my post here.. ya la ya la.. very short lah!
:D

2009-08-29T12:57:00.002+08:00

This shall be my blog until stinkin' blogger is cured.
Click; LiveJournal

:D

2009-08-27T08:29:00.000+08:00

jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean jean koh chinyee

im gonna miss miss miss her..

even though we're not say very very close.. but hmms, one of the longest friendship.. does mean something doesnt it.. (:
im gonna miss see-ing her being suan-ed and suan-ing her too.. i hope those angmohs learn to suan her also.. =X

how drabs church gonna be without you girl... *sighs*

on the other hand though.. im sooo happy for you..(:
to have the opportunity to go overseas to study your dream..
im sure, that when you come back 10thousand million years later, you've surely grown.. matured. (:
(not the height though, the height remains) =P

hopes hopes we see her online often..
whats the time difference again ah? about 12 hours isit?
.... D=

2009-08-26T23:50:00.001+08:00

THE UPDATED. (:

blogger sucks.

therefore, i used a livejournal for the time being..
http://eifle.livejournal.com/655.html
=D

THE OLD. =P

2009-08-26T11:23:00.002+08:00

Dear Daddy God,
please do a miracle for my biology results. AMEN.

i keep thinking about my bio test.. and all i want to do is cry.. =(
i should have studied for the thyroid gland! why didnt the renal come out??? why is the stupid bio test always so unpredictable compared to Os..

i guess, in the end, its my own fault for not studying thyroid properly...
=(
i think.. no bond alr..

please dear daddy God.. u have to do a miricle.. plus some marks here and there.. work sonething out.. =(

2009-08-16T17:07:00.000+08:00

i finish obs and gynae posting already!!
=D

i never imagined i would say this but...
i miss feeding them babies.. =/

must study for exams already..
argh!!
dumb school! attachment just over then exams.. how to study la..
tsk.

dear daddy God..
i pray for those taking this coming exams.. i pray that you will bring us though it and you will teach our eyes to study the things that will come out for exams.. during the exams lord, you will guide our eyes to not misread the questions and guide our hands to write the answers favourable to the markers. and you will guide the marker to be lenient and not misread the answers and let the marker be of good mood when they mark the paper..
i pray that this coming exams, i will get a gpa of about 2.5.. and i pray that when i go to get the bond from cgh that they will accept.
AMEN.

2009-08-06T09:27:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY RAHMAN!!!!

working at kkh is super boring man!!
for real.. all we do is paras and off plug and bed sponging..
tsk! everything else is observe observe.. wa lao!
but kind of nevermind.. =D
i observed interesting stuff like... abortion.
hahaa! =P

yesterday went out with the 4e3 all after work..
damn seh!
had pastamania then some of them went to go watch movie..

wa lao..
i finally realise how bitchy that woman is la..
she think she very high class? oh please!! failure much!!!!
soo two-faced cann.. and so fake oso.

i havent study for exams!!!!
sooo tired!!
screw the school la! how cann like that! slog us to death man!! work and study at the same time.. somemore is not sit infront of the comouter work ok!! is run here and there cannot sit down work ok!!!
argh!!

... i realise this post got alot of exclamations huh..
hahaa.. =D

i really do miss dawn.. and her ever encouraging smile..

2009-07-28T23:13:00.000+08:00

blogger is a bit screwed up huh. tsk!

today shamugum left..
so i dont know why but didnt really bother about team2 much..
i feel like i was kind of working like a robot..
they want this, this i give to you.. just that..
minimal HEARTware involvement..
felt very screwed the whole day..

i think.. maybe im not really that cut out for this job..
for the fact that i cant let go..
everytime i will feel attached to certain patient(s).. and when they are discharge i will be like a robot or i will just emo.. cause i feel empty..
and probably.. thats why God keeps taking people away from my life..
to teach me to let go..
if thats so.. goodness, its a hard hard hard lesson.. =(

i hope hope, really really hope that this attachment i will get good grades.. cause i really put all my heart into this.. totally drained myself.. =/

today gariel was pissed..
cause i got the feeling that he got the feeling that CI was picking on him...
*sigh* actually he quite jia lat also.. ownself in attachment different shift.. then the yuan ping left also..
so i think when dylia same shift as him he kena until quite bad cause only focus on him..
never seen him that pissed before.. somemore he did try to do a good job.. but i think he really didnt know what dylia wanted..
i think, what dylia wated was to link and sum everything up.. view the patient wholistically.. and also to expect, assess, plan and link everything up..

gosh.. i hope tomorrow when he pas s report everything will go smoothly.. -fingers crossed-
okays good nights man!! tomorrow need to wake up early go to school with fazilah wong smash.. =D

2009-07-27T09:49:00.000+08:00

how is it that,
daddy God fills me with such love and happiness..
but church just makes me cry..

2009-07-25T11:24:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday.

2009-07-21T23:01:00.001+08:00

i need a hug.
daddy God, i need a hug from you.

JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
ah...
heh.
happens i guess..
life was never really meant to be a bed of roses huh..
Sarah: why why why why????? fuck la! says:
yeah.. guess so..
lame la those people. so regret knowing them if it just come to this.
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
heh
but anyhow. swearing doesn't solve anything.
yeah. (:
i used to swear ALOT.
if i had a dollar for ever vulgarity that came out of my mouth
Sarah:why why why why????? fuck la! says:
jus.. uber pissed now. =/sry.. close yr eyes den..
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
i could buy a ferrari by now
heh.
Sarah: why why why why????? fuck la! says:
lols!!
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
just sayin', when I stopped swearing.
life became a whole lot better. (:
idk, kinda like
when i go thru a rough patch
i take a step back
look at the broader picture, the bigger picture. instead of my view, from God's view
maybe he wants to teach you sth.
God doesn't let anything happen for nothing yeh.
Sarah: why why why why????? fuck la! says:
wad Gods view? after i entered poly all he does is take people from my life..
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
my guess would be he wants to teach you sth.
i mean like, maybe its going thru some testing?
hmmm.
maybe you could spend some time, to get yourself alone with God. just pray and ask why. I'm sure he'll be obliged to tell you and all
why why why why????? fuck la! says:
y doesnt he jus get to the point.
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
because when jesus taught, he taught using parables and riddles
those were never direct.
if he was afterall, the master teacher, why not God using the same method?
hmmmmm.
as in, Jesus taught others using indirect methods
so I guess God would use the same way too.
Sarah: why why why why????? ='( says:
Jesus's parables are short and sweet and doesnt last one and a half years.
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
mmm
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
Sarah: why why why why????? ='( says:
i wonder.. what else in installed..
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
heh,
we'll never know.
but
maybe its time to put your trust and faith in God.
you know, like to
trust that his plans are good and all.
that brings another verse to remembrance.
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
why why why why????? ='( says:
=/
hopeless much.
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
its definitely hard at times
but you know, you need to PUSH.
Pray Until Something Happens.
all im trying to say is that. God has sth awesome instore for you
so don't let whatever circumstances you're in hold you down
and stop you from praising him.
Sarah: why why why why????? ='( says:
okae...

u ever feel like.. u noe "knock and the door shall open" ? ever feel like you knocking so hard you bleed...
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
well
maybe you've been knocking on the wrong door.
instead of trying to control it
why don't you give up.
like give up controling your situation
surrender the entire thing all to God and let him take the wheel.
Sarah: why why why why????? ='( says:
i have no control in this situation.. people jus go and go and go.. and all im left is empty.. like youre holding on to nothing..
like catching air..
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
Jeremiah 33:3 (New International Version)

3 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'
maybe its time to ask God why?
better late than never,
why why why why????? ='( says:
maybe i have to give up everything.. jus.. release i guess..
but i dun wann to b alone..
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
yeah
maybe God wants you to give it up to him
Psalms 55:2 says
55:22*
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
you're never alone
#1, you have God with you always.
He's omnipresent isn't he? everywhere at anytime.

#2,
you have your friends around you.
like the people in church.
why why why why????? ='( says:
im losing them!
seriously..
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
Dawn Shaun Amelia Jean Becky
and a whole lot more
you're not losing them.
why why why why????? ='( says:
no..
i am..
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
we're losing you.
and I don't think we want to lose you.
why why why why????? ='( says:
=/
whats 1 person..
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
whats 1 person?
1 person means ALOT.

Luke 15:7
I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
why why why why????? ='( says:
repent huh
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
guess so.
time for a change of ways.
why why why why????? ='( says:
change...
lols.. i tired.
tried*
JmsJc(: amoroso- jmsmusic.blogspot.com-someone stole it, now to find out who.... says:
tired or tried?
heh
maybe thats where the giving it up to God comes in.

Thank you soo uber much James..

im going to let go now..
just.. release..
i think. teach me dear daddy God..

2009-07-20T17:53:00.002+08:00

YUAN PING says shes thinking of leaving.. =(
someone stop her leh! she my attachment partner and school good friend..

todays the first day of attachment.. =D
it was fun.. yep!
its fun getting to know a ward and all, all over again.. hahaa!
and the ward is uber nice!
the ward CI is sooooo nice lah! =D
and the staff there are soo nice! even though its a C class ward.. and i expected worse treatment then ward 49.. but apparently.. they are sooo kind! and sweet!
yes, i felt lost when we had to seperate and go see our beds in charge.. then there was a long long long orientation.. hahaa! but after that came back and listened to report and the staff nurse ask "orientation ah? ok come come.. " soo nice lah! last time all everybody just mind their business all.. =D
its awesome awesome!
after that went to see stoma care -colon.. SN was so patient and all.. then after that he ask me whether i understood all.. and explained to me some.. (:
yes, a HE.. hahaa! he's soo nice lah!
dont see such awesome nurses before.. =D

attachment ROCKS!

"Put Passion and Love into your Work. You'll DEFINATELY find it more Meaningful."
this quote i saw in jeans pm.. and i think its super applicable for yuan ping.. and not only for yuan ping.. but also for everyone.. (:
i know yuan ping will answer that theres no love anymore..
but yuan ping.. love cann be cultured, love can be grown.. if not, why did you love nursing in the first place?

yuan ping yuan ping.. dont leave ok!

*i super hope aaron or someone will talk/knock some sense into her lah.. =/

2009-07-19T17:51:00.007+08:00

yesterday was weiyu jie's wedding.. =D

i realise i have been spelling her name wrong for so long.. lols! oops. =X

anyways.. went to the church wedding almost late! lols!
because daddy la.. come back late.. tsk!

then sueann tan and daddy complaining in the car say actually dont want to go the wedding..
eh please lah! your niece and cousin getting married leh! damn irritating!
ok nevermind.. reach there then ian ian and esther damn cute, pretty and handsome lah!! =D
ohhlala~

then when start this raymond damn funny..
normally church wedding is like.. the bride come in with her dad then the groom infront waiting with music backgroud right??
but this wedding different..
okae.. the bride came in with her dad.. but this lame raymond.. went to sing when she came in..
so sing sing sing.. then even when she reach the alter already still sing.. lols!
then we all sian over there.. hahaa! =X

then alot alot of funny things la.. the priest also.. very.. -.-???
hahaa! then the most funny funny part is that the wedding vows.. they dont follow by the book.. is they wrote it themselves for the partner.. i think is damn cool.. its funny cause when you listen to it its like.. huh??
but its nice.. (:

after that went down to eat.. wa lao! we missed the photo shot la!! irritating! i was upstairs so ran down to call them.. then call them already.. then the photo shot finish! damn pekchek!!

ok nevermind!
went to eat.. wahh.. the food was nice! the plates were damn cool! got cup and cutlery holder.. lols! the food was nice lah! especially the laska.. hahaa! specially introduce by weiyu jie.. she says the laksa is WOOTS! =D
after that went around to walk abit cause.. uber full..
when we came back saw weiyu and raymond.. apparently they were exhausted and hungry.. lols!
after that went back to amk to rest..

then bells came over to slack abit..
wait for unty becks and uncle james come pick us up..
cause unty joan booked a room there so that can freshen up then immediatly go down.. after that also can stay..
so went there.. and..
suprised! .. we got 2 rooms instead of 1.. lols!
cause the other room was given and nobody wanted to use.. yupp.. (:
then me and bells were sent down to fetch uncle james cause cannot get him at the phone..

so me and bells went down to wait and camwhored.. lols!
the bull there is soo funny!
apparently they said that the bull symbolises prosperity and boolm in the market something like that..
then the bull itslef is stick thin.. bones and all! hahaa!

camwhored then got sick of waiting so called uncle james..
-.- he said he was on the way home lah..
so went up.. i thought unty becks will start scolding uncle james.. but instead started scolding us for not telling him that thre are 2 rooms.. she damn nonsense lah! tsk!
that day she abit sot wann.. lols!

then slacked around until 6-ish.. started to prepare bath and all..
luckily started bathing first.. after that the whole ging-gang came and practically crowd around the bathroom.. lols!
then dressed up all.. dressed bells up.. did make up.. did make up for bells..
dressed sueann tan up.. (super hard to dress her up lah) did make up and all for sueann tan.. (WOOTS ACCOMPLISMENT EH) =P

then slowly walk down..
so glam lah.. =D
wore the 4inch red heels.. almost fell but didnt.. >.< went down ate peanuts and drank sprite.. stoned, went in to sit.. raymond was making preparations for the evening.. then i saw a uber uber uber cute waiter!!
EEEEE!!!!!!! super cute lah! hahaa! but hes also super short..
y? y? all the tall people there are lame.. and hes the shortest there but soo cute! bells dared me to take pics with him.. lols! but i never.. unglam uh.. kaes..
then settle down and everybody came in.. then.. like normal wedding dinner lo.. hahaa! caught weiyu and raymond when they came down with the second suit.. =D the food served was delicious!!
and this is the first time i am full at a wedding dinner.. lols! =X
and the service there was damn good also lah.. =D when my sprite was going to finish the waiter showed up with a new sprite and took away the old wann.. bagus! and shandy was awesome! but ian ian got drunk on it.. lols! this is the first time ian ian got drunk..
so funny luh! =P his face all red then started scratching himself.. then keep laughing for no reason.. hahaa! so funny! weifen also drunk! lols!
after that finish all.. went back to the room to rest.. then unty joan and unty wee said they wanted to go back take stuff then come back to the hotel.. so i waited lah.. wait until i feel asleep.. lols! =X then in the morning wake up.. make up all mushed up.. aahh! then sueann tan say i look like frankenstein bride.. screw her!then went down.. saw raymond and weiyu.. they gave us a bottle of wine.. =D thanks dudes!

slack around, went to tnjiong pagar eat peanut ice katchang! WOOTS! =D
then went back to the hotel to check out.. =D

awesome awesome time.. =D
pictures on facebook!
too many pictures so i shall put like seperate albums..

2009-07-18T08:52:00.002+08:00

Draw near to me
and i will draw near to you
come away from me my beloved im here for you..

missed that song..
first time i heard that song in church.. it super blowed my mind away..

wanting to get nearer to the Lord..
its a prayer around the world..
and he's all around.. omnipotent, i think thats the word..

i want to go back into that innocence..
where God is all i want..
where my stoopid heart falls asleep until God wakes it up again..
i want to draw back into the times..
when i trusted
when i was just a little girl
when mummy was smilling..

today, wei yi jies gonna get married!! =D

went over to their house last night..
but it seems like normal normal.. lols!
but kate was uber cute..

i realise..
i hope i will never get the punishment of having a baby..
lols! its really really hardwork!
you have to 24/7 look at the baby..
how about if it was a dog.. can 'bo chap' and do your own stuff right!
lols!

2009-07-17T12:43:00.003+08:00

went out with marhaini, ila, idayu, mona and dolly yesterday..

actually thought school ended like.. 11 i think.. or 12..
but then suddenly had psychology, andys class..
hahaa! obviously.. everybody didnt really mind staying back gor andys tutorial la.. hahaa!

went to tutorial..
he had the class come to the front..
then he asked some questions.. if the your answer is yes then stand 1 side.. if no then stand the other side..
he asked questions like.. "if someone was blind would you marry him?"
then he asked "would your marry a homosexual?" (clarify- not girl marry girl, but girl marry guy but the guy is homo)
i wanted to go to the yes but nobody said yes.. lols! so i didnt go.. =X
i mean.. not wrong mahh.. if you love someone, you would go all out rite.. cause homos, their still normal what.. right.. (:
but if the guys is blind or deaf or losing limbs.. then thats a different matter.. cause obviously after sometime hes dependant on you and then you become the maid instead of the wife.. lols! really what.. think about it..

uber cool la the lesson.. okaes, he's lessons are always damn nice and cool wann.. (:

then at the end of the lesson this marhaini and idayu wanted to ask him how old was he..
then.. the whole class thought what happen also want to know.. then keep crowding around.. lols! damn funny ah.. =D

then went to toilet.. marhaini help me do makeup.. i think i about know how to put eye liner already la.. (: i shall not put like last nights leftover already.. hahaa! =P

after that went to town to eat something like chicken rice.. lols! i dont know what we ate.. hahaa..
food was alright, chilli was nice! crackers was yum! then after that walked around.. decided to go the mini park near the towers.. i forgot the names.. lols!

ohh! over there got alot alot of eye candy leh.. WOOTS! but then almost everytime i look at them i think about what ames said.. "alot of them are not virgins anymore" -.- stuupid la him.. tsk!

anyways.. went there to camwhore.. pictures on ramonas facebook.. (:
super unglamed.. =D then marhaini had to go her waxing.. so we went cineleisure walk walk.. i went to get the bracelet for him.. so sad no more black.. so i thought mix the red and black is nice.. but he dont want.. so i gave him mine lorr.. =/

then today..
had presentation at 8am!! =.=
already was moody moody.. i think everybody also moody moody.. lols!
nevermind.. at least we passed presentation.. (:

after that went to macs to eat.. this dolly keep "in my heart in my heart" lols!
haha! after that wanted to meet ames pass him something.. but he late! his lesson like 10am.. then he supposed to meet his group like 9am.. and he comes to school at 10.30am!! goodness right! lols! if im his leader i surelly blast like crazy wann..
... actually, i no need to blast also.. cause i got marhaini.. lols! =X

then when he reach ask me to meet him at outside his LT..
so.. poor me, lug a laptop and a nursing book (btw the nursing book is like those encyclopedias at the library.. serious.) go meet him..
argh! my hands were like going to break cann!!
but nevermind.. =D he say after attachment go out with me go eat sushi.. =D lalala~

then meet mona at south canteen.. yayy! she help me carry the laptop.. ohmygosh la! the laptop is like paper compared to the book la.. -faints-
ohh.. then she said i looked pretty when i smile.. =D
i think thats prolly when i put on makeup and smile.. lols!

im sooooo gonna miss them guys when we go on attachment la.. one whole month of not seeing them all.. ='(
and one whole month of not seeing him too.. -bawls!-
but im excited for attachment.. cause attachment you learn things.. you learn to cooperate with people.. you see the different kinds of disease manifestations and all.. its really an awesome eyeopener.. =D i know everytime go on attahcment wont like it.. but by and by.. will learn to love the ward and all.. whats more.. as a student, im protected by nyp.. hahaa! =P

tomorrow is weiyi jie jies wedding.. i better clear the photos on my phone man.. shall take photos like crazy tomorrow.. pretty pretty us!! =D
i think i should go back to pasir ris tonight la.. the car got space.. but at ang mo kio dunno who fetch and how to go all.. yepp. (:

eh i tell you a story ok! (:
there was once a couple.. then the guy went overseas to study..
so one day they were msg-ing each other.. the girl didnt notice..
walked on the road.. didnt see the van..
-crash- kena hit by the van, flew and died on the spot..
and her phone broke into a million pieces..

the paramedics came and tried to collect the body.. but it was glued to the floor..
so they called a priest to come say prayers..
so the priest came.. he said, if you fix the phone glue it back together or something.. then the body can come off the floor..
so they did, glue the phone back.. then they could lifted the girls body..

then on that day, it was the first day of the funeral..
suddenly the girls boyfriend called her mother.. told her not to tell the girl that he's coming back to give her a suprise tomorrow..
the mother didnt have the heart to tell the boy about her death.. so she said ok..

the next day he came by.. asked the mother wheres the girl..
so the girls mother finally broke the bad news to him..
there was silence..
then he said..
"this cannot be.. i just spoke to her on the phone before i came.."
the mother was shocked.. it could not be the girl..
so she asked him whether he called the right number..
he replied yes.. and decided to call the girl again..
it rang and rang.. then the phone was picked up.. it was the girl..
-dark-
STARHUB! SO CONNECTED, EVEN HEAVEN HAS OUR LINES!!

=D
you see, the girl was answering from heaven.. hahaa!!
mona told me this dumb story..
lame la she.. hahaa! then the dolly also laughing laughing over there.. tsk!

(:
i think most probably i wont be blogging for the whole 1 month attachement la.. =\

oh.. im wondering huh..
why does the lester and mervin, julius and those people.. why do they still stick together.. never change leh they all..
this is.. no life. =P

i mean, ok la.. once in sometimes you meet up..
but practically everytime i see them is stick together wann cann! tsk!
like glue ah.. dunno how to let go..
haiyoo....

2009-07-15T12:22:00.002+08:00

this post is gonna be totally random.. hahaa!

im uber thankful for marhaini.. (:
she the head of the headless chickens,
the neck which turns the head,
the mother who guides..
she is loved. =D

last night i was really panicking..
cause i was stinking pissed with someone who failed dressing..
cause he said his gonna practice to pass.. and in the end he didnt pass..
then also the jy wanted to see something then i had to send him stuff.. and i think he was kinda urgent..
then also i was doing the module evalutation.. (which i anyhow do wann, went to say 'learn about society and health' in psychology!! crap! and i was planning to give good review for andy!!)
and i was also on the phone with hexun..

and then!!! marhaini talk to me..
okae.. if you know marhaini, she gets uber serious when working..
so when she talks to you about projects.. you gotta stop everything and listen to her.. or she will blast you. for real ok..
soo obviously i had to get off the phone with hexun and all that..
thats why marhainis so good. she really makes people concentrate. she will literally stop everything and go 'look! do this first'
i dont know how to describe.. but when you talk to her, theres a certain fear that she will blast you, but yet your grateful that she will help you.. and you know when she blasts, ultimately, its really for your own good. (:
yes im super thankful for her.. even though our group always gives her heart attack.. hahaa.. but she knows we are lost without her.. like headless chickens.. =D

im really really happy..
and im really really thankful..
for having such good friends like marhaini, dolly, ramona and raphael..
(:

im really excited for friday and saturday!
even if the class doesnt go to see the movies..
dolly will go out with me.. probably go bugis or something..
then i want to go town, to the shop where me and ramona pierced our ear..
that shop is uber nice.. and i want to get something for him too.. (:

i want to go eat sushi with you..
i dont mind treating you some.. (:

i now have 2 things sleeping with me..
=D pinky and the paddigton bear from marhaini.. hahaa!
pinky has lost that smell.. =(

i asked something jean yesterday..
and you know what the national day bag cannot be bought wann!! -faints-
so sad!!! why like that.. singapore very mean leh! i really want the bag cann! tsk!
maybe i go like ebay maybe got people selling the bag.. heh.

today.. actually didnt want to go tutrial de..
cause its just presentation.. and home..
but marhaini said stay back today finish the statistics..
ok lorr..

then after that im gonna go help dolly with her liondance.. cause she say competition coming and all.. its a 1 time thing.. im not going to join lion dance.. lols!

2009-07-14T01:15:00.003+08:00

took over caoxin's simulation cause she was sick..

it was uber fun la!! actually it was stress.. then after that when you really get into the scenario.. its really.. WOW!
it was about a lady having haematuria..
so gotta do washout for her..
but when go in i know that the thing is stuck!! so i dunno whether still need to do washout!! so damn stress! then they keep saying staff nurse or doctor busy.. wa lao! machiam whole ward only 1 staff nurse.. zzz!

but on the whole they said that we did well and good.. so happy for ramona as my partner.. hahaa! thank you for giving me this opportunity to try stuff like this.. (:
** i think that the patient speaking is the lady behind the screen just now.. uber obvious cann.. so lame! but the dummys ..... are so big! haha! we all shocked la!

then go in i keep talking to the patient then teacher keep saying simulation haven start so stop talking.. lols! i panick cann! never prepare leh! last minute ask me to do this kind of thing.. tsk!

but anyway.. patient didnt die!! so happy!!
lalala~

after that meet with ames and joyce..
taught her shotshagmarry! woots! apparently didnt really appeal to her.. -.- i think i choose wrong subjects for her.. hahaa!
then dinnered with them..

ohoh!! marhaini gave me and dolly a paddington bear.. i took the male wann.. gosh so cute la!! hahaa! and its bigger than pinky! and it engulfs the green carebear.. lols! *i m in no way saying that the care bear is too small* =D
i think i shall put the carebear on my table lahh.. hahaa!

wheets! tomorrow got presentation!
dont know whether got AN consolidation anot.. i think have la.. ms ho teaching i think..
i think AN is sooo much better than pharmoco la! serious! i have absolutely no idea how to go n remember all those nonsense things.. this kind of thigs doctor prescribe what.. why still learn pharm? at the most find the drugs from the dictionary or something la! -.-
i really dislike parmocology. =(

=D excited for friday!!!!
and saturday!!! YAYY!
-you playboy you.. (: lead me blindly on, i follow..

2009-07-12T18:07:00.005+08:00

today is sunday. =D

the morning service was good.. hahaa! kind of like the first time i really listen to what brother Roy is/was saying..
the message was about praying.. i didnt really catch the beginning.. but like what alot of people have said.. he was like really speaking to me..
he was talking about prayer.. and he said that last time, when we prayed for the bus, the bus doesnt come and when we pray for the weather it will turn good.. but nowadays when you pray for such stuff it doesnt really happen.. not because God is getting bad.. but because your prayer is getting weaker and so is your faith.. then i was like.. guang ming zhen da already.. hahaa!
he also said that when we feel that someone or something like the church or the management is not adequate.. we must pray blessing.. and God doesnt change the church or change that person but instead he will change you and how you view things.. i think its damn cool.. =D

i was thinking about toilets just now.. lols! i know i know.. but i was thinking about the public toilets in australia and the toilets in singapore.. and, i guess some of you guys know the great and vast difference.. (:
i was thinking.. when the toilets are clean and you step in.. you will like to keep it clean and as it is.. but when you see a stinkin toilet like singapores.. well i guess alot of people will think.. people before me already like that to the toilet.. so can i..
soo.. i have no idea why m i saying this.. but just saying lo.. =D

yesterday was uber nice!
went out with aunty joan and aunty becky buy the ribbons and all for the wedding.. the arrangement is damn nice la!
nice right!! chey..

and then went to look around bugis, city hall there..
i saw some people i know.. but they didnt recognise me..
:( did i change that much?

then went back to ah po place..
after dinner set up the 'production line' to make the ribbons for the 6 sister cars.. as in the extra cars behind the main bridal car.. so all together is 24 ribbons.. cause all 4 doors mahh..

then chatted with weiyi jie and arrange the table sitting all..
weiyis the bride bytheway..

i tell you 1 of the most awesome story i heard ok..
its damn cool wann..
its weiyi jie tell us, about her and raymonds engagement ring..
lols! i made her say that story soo many times.. hahaa! =P

cause her ring fit in just nicely in to raymonds ring.. like weiyis ring can slip in just nicely into raymonds.. dont undestand this.... ask ok..
ok so raymond went to design the rings..
so weiyi jies ring has a 3D cross ontop.. and raymond had a hollow cross..
so when they went to collect the ring.. the person taught them how to put the rings together..
"first, fit in the CROSS, everything else will then fit in nicely.."
is it damn cool or what!!! iknowright!

ohoh!
and then weiyi jie showed us something.. its damn... =P
watch it.. check out the last toe man!this is weiyi jie jie..

CHECK HER SMALL TOES!!

2009-07-10T01:27:00.002+08:00

i saw babe today! (:

everyones so busy with projects and all.. and i realise i haven really sit down and talk to someone for a long long.. uber long time already..
everyones busy with projects and all.. also no time to squeeze in time..
after projects all done, then its attachment.. after attachment, its all the major tests..

time aint waiting for us this year..
yr1 is truly a honeymoon year..
because when you move on to yr2 or 3.. the workload is so heavy and you have to cope with stupid yr3 retains who know absolutely zilch about their work.. and teachers who dont even bother to pay attention to presentations..

lols..
yr1 IS truly a honeymoon year.. =/

i have no idea how marhaini knows his name can...
and i think the only person who knows is dolly..
and she doesnt say out such things..
how in the nonsensical world does marhaini know???????
TSK!

2009-07-07T22:39:00.002+08:00

(:
very long never blog already..

school is finally open!! =D
projects are on their way to done..
and the anticipations for attachment is hung in the air..
hahaa!
=D

today..
today was alright i guess..
simulation from 8 to 10..
learnt alot alot..
like how a nurse assessment of a patient is when she is taking report.. she should know what to expect already.. and what the outcomes will be and how to prevent it.. nursing is really an awesome yet competitive job after all.. and im excited for attachments.. =D

but i was reminded of how that time during attachment was kena scolded by nurse manager because i wasnt listening to the report but was attending to the patient.. i thought i wasnt in the wrong.. today reconfirmed it.. i was not in the wrong after all.. (:
stoopid nurse manager. your a pain in the ass.. learn from the student man! hahaa! =P

after that went to do project.. project all the way and all..
took somemore statstics pictures..
after meeting teacher had to stay back to do projects.. until about 5.45pm.. :(
was uber sad.. because actually had some random plans with someone.. but then couldnt go..
so the marhaini and dolly was saying something was wrong with me cause i was so quiet and all..
=/
i also didnt know why i was so affected.. its not like it s the first time it happened.. i think.
anyway..
luckily marhaini was trying her hardest to cheer me up.. if not i think i will just slowly walk and cry by myself.. hahaa! pathetic, i know..
but marhaini and dolly really was super nice to try and cheer me up.. (:

after that msged the person then somehow or other decided to meet up next week to sushi.. haha.. awesome right.. i know.. then babe talked to me.. i dont know why.. but when i talk to happy people, i will naturally feel happier.. i think alot of people also like that right.. hahaa!
happiness is indeed an infectious pandemic virus.. hahaa! =D

my keyboard spoil leh.. e spaebar is screwed up.. i dont know why.. argh!
after attachment or save enough money already must send it for whole repair.. =D
is there such a thing anyway?
hmm..

im excited for tomorrow, going out with bell bell..
im excited for next week, going sushi-ing..
im excited for nxt next week.. weiyi's wedding.. =D
and then... ATTACHMENT..
lols! (:

2009-07-04T18:49:00.003+08:00

Boys over Flowers is very very very nice!! (:
although i dont really like the ending.. cause like no ending.. -.-
because, the ji hoon is left alone!!! so sad! his sooooo beautiful! =D
and also the ja eul dont know whether got together with that.. forgot his name..

but the ending is like.. will have a part2 wann.. cause, the ending.. no conclusion. 5 people standing there looking at the sea.. very huh right? =D

on the whole.. i think the nice part is just watching them.. just admiring their acting and their beautiful faces.. lols! im not sick or sadistic ok! cause everytime i watch until too engross then some how a thought would pop up and say.. the show already was acted out already.. practically the whole world watched it already.. why you so anxious for? its done out already.. its not going to change anyway.. so like that lorr..

alot of people watch already say they wasted tissue boxes.. lols! so i had one.. in the end.. didnt use at all.. hahaa! dunno why.. all the scenes supposed to cry or what.. i wont feel anything sometimes heartache abit only.. but the scenes like uber nice wann uber uber nice and funny and you know that kind.. i will pause abit before watching.. lols!

WOOTS! the show IS nice! although is quite predictable.. but its nice! (:
its soo nice that i had BOF marathon for 2 nights in a row... hahaa!
now my face is pimples alot.. tsk!

okae.. moving on.. hahaa!
im super kind of excited for weiyi's wedding..
although i dont really say like the guy.. but weiyi's an uber nice cousin.. (:
i hope after shes married she will come see ah po still.. not like her brother i hope.. =/
that wann, the brother, tiong gor, only chinese new year and maybe christmas can see his VIP face..

i hope next time when my generation cousins all grow up.. will not be like the older generation cousins..
lols! yes, my maternal side got 3 generations of cousins..
1st generation are all about 30 odd odd..
2nd generation are teens..
3rd generation only consists of ian ian.. who is loved. =D

(: 18th july..

bought new clothes today.. lols! really got change my clothings for the wedding..
my cousin also bought.. hers is very nice! i'll upload the photos to blogger soon.. =D

school reopening!! i want to play shotshagmarry!!!
uber obsessed with the game.. lols! played the first time during night cycling.. then was hooked to it already.. HAHAA!

i hope what i wrote on my pm last nite around 4++am was not misunderstood.. lols!
wasnt thinking clearly..
nobody online oso.. missed eifle soo much..
now his with me.. =D
i think he fever or something leh.. his not himself today.. =/

2009-07-01T12:14:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JY LAHH!!!

i dont care lahh..
monday im going to scream birthday song in your ear!!
=D

buy megaphone and announce!!!
bagus!

tyg!
the shoulder pad how? lols! very long already leh!! tell you what. when you free, call me okae.. i'll go yishun mrt meet you..
tsk tsk tsk!

2009-06-30T11:23:00.002+08:00

woke up yesterday, thought about how much i must touch up on psych project and finding solutions for the stats and hoping cao xins alright for her research..

stressed out and started getting angry and somehow venting on ramona who gave me the email.. super nice email.. =D

went out with ramona go town.. had uber much fun.. me and ramona poke our ear.. she poke 2 holes.. i poke 1.. hahaa! damn pain ah....
i really want to buy heels for weiyi's wedding.. and i know what kind i want to buy alreay.. i jus need to find the right price to match it too.. hahaa!

then went home..
came home, and all the work smses for project came in..
apparently someone cant cope with us and blames us for that..
at firt, i was uber pissed. i mean, who are you to boss me around? im your leader leh..
right?
but then after that.. i just feel like laughing at her..
i was thinking, why do you tell me your problems?
im not your counsellor or best friend or momma.. correct right.?

i know im very mean at saying this but seriously?
must we take you through step by step?
and your a senior already, dont tell me you have never done projects before. all im asking for is some standard. but your work is like a secondary school's.. where you take information and chuck. copy and paste.
whatever, im just wasting my time on you. but then again, if we dont see you through, we'r gonna sabo ourselves too..
my group say never gotten a 'B' for presentations.. all 'A's.. and you better not spoil our A.. or i'll slap you. i really will.

i stinking pissed off with myself cause nowadays i cant sleep at night.. then i wake up so late in the morning.. whats wrong with me? sarah tan, even if you sleep late, can you wake up early.. its uper irritating to wake up at like 10.30-11.. even when you set alarm. -must go and dig my ear already..

im sorry if anyone reads this post.. cause to me today doesnt feel right..
like a bomb waiting to explode.
im expecting the worst. like a nervous wreck.
all i want to do is let go.. but even when i let go, i have to come back. and when i come back, theres punishment..

dear God, i will continue to believe.. phillipians 4:13 & 19
cause his words are ye and amen.

2009-06-29T01:22:00.005+08:00

i cant sleep... dont know why..
its been like this since fridays night cycling..
and also cause my granma is busy cling-clonging in the kitchen at 1.30am..
gosh.

sooo...
im here to blog lorr.. =D

i want to hear carmens podcast at the edge..
cause i didnt go to theedge that day..

been thinking, some people seem like so holy, so connected to God..
buden you dont see it.. cause to me, when your filled with the holy spirit, your filled to the over-flowing..
and somehow, i dont sense the over flow..
and sometimes is opposite of overflow..
i dont know man.. im just saying what i think..

orites.. (: moving on..
LATER, got project meeting.. -..-
her work seriously stinks.! and im not ashamed to say it.
marhaini already blasted her, and she doesnt buck up..
even i, the uber blur sotong who always kena scolding from marhaini, also can see she really doesnt put effort..
cause even i had to guide her..
maybe cause shes sick with fever or something..
but this modules work should have been long over.. cause it was the second module we started..
so we should have finished it cause all we have to do was find information and arrange it in slides..
goodness.

i suddenly feel like drinking jolly shandy.. hahaa!
and watching 大哥大's magic show! cause one of the judges really super handsome! =D

i think the statistics blog i have to rearrange again..
cause i just realise that i should have posted back to front cause the later dates come in front.. alamacks!
nevermind! after i collaborate all and all then i shuffle..
(:

i want to watch movies!!
and go out with dolly go bugis buy her domo shirt.. hahaa!
maybe see around got clothing cann buy go weiyi jies wedding wear.. even though i already thought of what to wear already.. but come that day confirm mummy something not right with my dressing wann.. lols! or something like that..
talk about wedding..
ohh, those days when i was flower girl (i really was, for quite a few times too).. now is pass on to the next generation already..
to my nieces and nephew and youngest cousin..
oh, those were the days.. hahaa!

i want to get slim!
then next wedding try to be bridesmaid! hahaa!!
=P
next wedding....
oh! james gor and weifen!
ooooo cannot wait! =D

more hong paos next year!!!! lalala~
hahaa!

alrights.. i shall go watch the magic show already.. =D

liu qian the magician..
very handsome right!!! HAHAA!!!
ohmygosh! his magic tricks make me high lah.. =P
its damn awesome! you should go youtube watch.. =D

ohh, bytheway..
thank you mona for tagging.. hahaa!
(:
.. my tagboards half dead la.. oei.

2009-06-27T22:20:00.004+08:00

went bowling on friday night at E!Hub..
actually was supposed to meet at 10.30..
but zi hengs was uber excited so he reached there first.. buden dunno where he go also..
then me and samueltan actually thought bring bycyles to the DTE there.. but PANCHET!! no air!! and also no air pumping thingy.. so left our bikes there bus-ed to DTE played bowling first..

reached there right, saw matthew, he said need to queue up.. i didnt know need to queue up lorr! cause that time class chalet went bowling with half of the 38s and ayu, dont need to queue leh! hahaa! nvm!
anyways.. need to queue, then the queue number is 141, and the number calling was 116!! gosh! mus wait long way lorr!!
after that saw shuan, jean and zi heng.. they were carrying those ntuc plastic bags, inside got cup noodles and drinks and crackers and all.. gosh! i thought, wahh! so on ah?.. actually, it was all shaun's.. cause he was going to slack the whole week with his cup noodles and all.. iknowright!
saw becky too! cause didnt expect her and her mother to come cause she was having exams and all..

we found a place to sit then they were chatting away.. jean ask me go and check the queue number.. guess what?? the queue number was........ 117!! bagus! improved 1 number!! yayy!! -..-
so decided to go coffee bean slack abit, and eujinn wanted to sleep too cause he was uber tired..
went to coffee bean, then suddenly soong teng came! hahaa! i thought she coincidentally saw us then came in to say hi or something..
actually she was joining us wann.. haha! jean didnt say! cheated our feelings! tsk!

after that went back to the bowling alley cause our number was nearing.. (:
oh, before that shaun and matthew went off.. to sleep and to meet friends respectively..

when finally got our number..
jean, eujinn, samueltan, ziheng, and becky went to play bowling..
becky play 1 game only cause she had to go home to study..
soongteng and me became the longkang people.. so we didnt play..
hahaa!

this is ziheng's bowling pose..

this is samueltan's bowling pose..

this is eujinn's damn glam bowling pose.. hahaa! very nice right!
other peoples bowling pose and all are on zihengs facebook.. (:

me and soongteng! the hopeless-at-bowling people..
ohh! before becks and aunty left right.. aunty played like 1 round.. first time she anyhow throw the ball in the end long kang.. second time she throw the ball properly... guess what???? STRIKE! hahaa!
then the jean laugh until on the floor.. really!! very funny lorr!! hahaa!

this is the scores for the second game..

i took this picture cause i like the guys expression.. hahaa! i see already want to laugh.. =D

after that right..
went home to take our bikes then the ziheng didnt want to go night cycling!!
说好去得，in the end didnt go.. so disappointed in him! tsk! somemore he brought his bike leh!!

anyways.. went home with samueltan to take our bikes to jeans place to pump..
then decided to go changi village cause jeans stomach wanted something..

reached changi village.. saw this cat curled up.. so cute..

okok!
after that decided to go changi village play the swing..
apparently eujinn was scared of heights! i think, or bingshen.. hahaa! tall people afraid of heights!

cause just ate, then went to play swing like.. =/
you know that feeling right.. =D
so went to a bbq pit played 007bang,ah!, the tookie game, and shootshagmarry and ineverdid
soongteng kena forfeited during the tookie game.. so was made to sit/ stand on the childrens diaper swing..

i tell you ah..
the shotshagmarry game was damn funny!
jean started first..
so we gave her shaun, eujinn and her teacher mr chua..
so jean decided to MARRY SHAUN, date mr chua and SHOT EUJINN!!!!
hahaa!! then when it was eujinns turn.. dunno who he kena..
he decided to MARRY JEAN!!! hahaa!! omg omg omg!!
=D

then after that cycled back to home sweet home.. (:
at home actually thought that i was still quite awake and not seh..
even after i bathed.. and at that time mummy just woke up to go excersise..
so i decided to lie on the bed.. who knows, the minute i was flat on the bed didnt want to get up anymore.. like suddenly in water, after that went to sleep..
tsk! was actually planning to upload pictures before sleeping wann..
lols! and to think jean and soongteng still have to go ndp. haha!
=X

very long post horr.. hahaa! =D

2009-06-26T19:08:00.005+08:00

i hope that you will spend some time to read this post.. (:

watch this video..
watch to the end.. (: thank you.

in this world, this is what they mean by love.
in this world, already such things are not common to come by.
in this world, a man like that would be highly respected.
when one watched this video, one will feel like crying.
(:

then, watch THIS next video..

when something happens to you, in this world, not much people will help you.
the first video, to many people is already like the ultimate sacfrice.

but let me tell you..
Our daddy Lord Jesus Christ, this is what he did, in the second video..
when something happens to you, for someone to love you so much to fork out his eyes, is already counted as sacrificial..
but now i'm telling you, when you sin, when you smoke, steal, lie, kill, spoil, or do something that is not right.. when the world is ready to slap you with judgement..
Daddy God says,
"Wait! I will, and I have sacrificed my life for this child. and because I have sacrificed, this child is no longer guilty."

just like the first video, he has given his eyes so that she may see again, so that she is physically perfect again.. Jesus died so that our hearts may be perfect again. He loves us soo much that he gave his life for you.

To save you from yourself.

i was thinking of this when i was on the 88bus home today..
while listening to the korean song 'kiss'.. playing the video in my mind..
and i was remind of how, in this world, to give up a body part is considered a -wow- already.
but when people think about Jesus die-ing for us, it doesnt really occur like *ding* in our heads..

like example, what if u murdered someone..
and the buddah or dalai lama or whoever, says "Stop! i will die in place of this child"
my gosh, i would be awed.. but no other gods did.. only my God. and he died not only for murderers.. but he also died for mundane, ordinary people like us.. and thats the best part. (:

my daddy God, he loves me soo much.. and he loves you too!

2009-06-23T00:00:00.002+08:00

today..

went to school for project work until like.. 4+..
then was like too tired then went to sleep..
marhaini took picture!!!

after project.. went to the long johns at amk to eat..
then went to get my solero!!!!!
=D
ultimate happiness! lalala~

sent marhaini off in her 22 bus..
went to IMM..
couldnt get that 1 buck necklace cause it was sold out!!
disappointed.

ooo.. then went to mini toons bought my long awaited slippers! =D
happiness!

ok. end of the day..
kaethanksbye! =D

2009-06-21T14:33:00.003+08:00

this blog is a free space.
and its mine, so i cann say whatever i want.

i think, the dalai lama, is just an old man going to die one day.
yes, i really think that..

googled him up today, saw his pictures and was disappointed.
hahaa! really! cause i thought he so.. like mother theresa or something..
cheh, his just a old chinese virgin man.
no life.

i say, he's gotta have Jesus in his life man!
i sense emptiness just looking at his pictures..

and anyways, i have absolutely no idea what he has done for this world and what things he sacrificed.
unlike my God.. my daddy God who loves me many many.. =D

2009-06-20T16:52:00.004+08:00

church camp is AWESOME!! (:
Priest Jude and Pastor Becky preached.. =D

although we didnt stay in the best hotel and the games made me give my max to the max..
but the services was awesome and alot of people were blessed..

first day Pastor Jude preached about Justification..
about how God paid a debt he didn't owe.. and We had a debt we couldn't pay..
and because of it, and only because of this that we cann be innocent again..

the second service he talked about Salvation..
and he asked us.
is your MIND saved?
cause your heart may be saved because of God, but your body and your actions are another thing..
and i learnt that Jesus is saving me from MYSLEF.

the third service Pastor Jude talked about maturity..
about how we should not always be Gods baby and keep crying but we should start owning people for God.

after that at night i was suddenly thinking.. i havent pooped since sunday..
gosh.
(its not random, got link wann!)

the 3rd day, fourth service...
we went to the adults side to listen to their speakers and all..
oh, mygosh. about half of the youth went to sleep.
i almost did, really.
but i listened to him lahh..
he talked about Family, about the men being the head of the house.
to be honest, i didnt really agree with alot of what he spoke. and i will not say it here because i think that its quite sensitive.
and you know what?? because of what he said right..
my constipation lifted. HAHAA! really really! went to toilet and pooped. =D

after that Jude came to speak.
the first thing he said was.
"I im the man of the house. but my wife is the neck which turns the head.!"
so agree with him lahh! =D
he's awesome as always!
he then talked about the church and prayer.
his services are all so cool and nice and awesome and all, i can't begin to even describe it. =D
hahaa.. cause he really brings depth to what he preaches and he also walk the walk.. (:

then after that was FREE TIME!!
went to bajaya to see the rooms and it was like KING-ed compared to us which is like pauper. cause we have to climb stairs all the time too..
went to watch night at the museum2..
it was nice. (:

then went back to radius, after that went shopping!
so late already then go shopping.. didnt really buy much.
actually only bought like shirt and key chain. tsk.
cann you believe the shops closes at like 9.30??
NO LIFE!
so went back to the hotel to rest..

then the next day.. Pastor Becky preached..
about us being the salt of the world.
about not fearing but being brave..
about being offensive and not defensive..
=D

evening, last last service..
Pastor Jude preached about being Not Ashamed.
gave alot alot of stories and all.. =D
then after that had the leaders pray over everyone of us..
after that he asked who ha vent got the gift of tongues..
and alot of people went forward and got it! (:
reminded me of the first time i got gift of tongues too..
my gosh, that experience was sooo much better that being on heroine or something.. hahaa!
=D

oo.. about the games. walao..
repeated lorr! waste my time go participate.
really..
dunno what the games com doing this year.
if all they did was organise and rent fields.
then, the church need to change the games com already.
i sound mad right? cause every year, looking forward to games.. but this year.. games repeated..
its disguting.

i feeling like eating pringles. lols!
random!

i think, camp over all..
was BAGUS!
esp. staying with becks and the services..
(:

i took some pictures..
of random things, shall post of next time..
but the main pictures are scattered over facebook..
like on other peoples facebook..
like dawns. =D

orites.
actually didnt really want to type so much today wann..
cause i sick. and everywhere nua, and i cant hear properly, and my nose block, and my voice half gone, and keep coughing.
but still i wrote so much.. hahaa!
thank you daddy God for giving me strength. =D

project work on monday!!
and didnt touch computer for the last week cause stoopid samuel tan cannot connect dao.
tsk.
gotta rush like mad!
hope next week cann meet like alt days to finish or something.. gotta buck up on my stats!!
dont really know how to do in the first place somemore.. AAHH sarah tan!!

2009-06-13T23:47:00.008+08:00

pinky, of all smells..
imma bring you to camp.
=D -squeals!-

ian ian's baptism was today..
=D
fishballs and nuggets cooked by unty helen was awesome!
mummy shoudl learn cooking from her man.! hahaa!

baptism- to me its more than declaration.
its more than a commandment.
its like a commitment.. i want to go baptism.. really do.
but when i think of baptism, something says.. wait.
same goes to the monthly breaking of bread and cup thing. 'wait.'
dont anyone force me. dont tell me what i should do. dont put words in my mouth.
bt you can put food in my mouth.. hahaa! fishballs man! today their loved! ohh, miss their springy-ness and tangy-ness.. whatever it is.. lols! =D

going home tomorrow with samuel tan.
cause forgot to take my photocopied notes for pain and antacids.
and the schools infomations about CT scans is disgusting.. 1 book only! and its about the dignosis also! goodness! i know rite!

ok. =X

gosh!
super uber got to reeeeeally start to dig and find alot of information on all the projects already.
i think, luckily i got statistics instead of medical sociology.. my gosh! how in the nonsense do you get freaking data on the turnover of patients and the death rates kind.. goodness. and its singapore context too..

good luck cao xin!!

gotta gotta send liyana the pain thing already..
yupp. =/
but i want to sleeeeppp!!!!
and play poooooll!!!
and go see the leonardos works expo thingyyyy!!!!
tsk.

who want to play pool with me?
tan hexun! or dolly and jy! (cannot they sick) ames? mona?
that time so fun lorr.. =D
first time i played pool.. awesome man! hahaa!
with hexun, yong gui, dolly and jun yong..
time of my life man! so cool lah!
hahaa!!

oh mann!
craps! monday is camp, but i havent pack yet! and im still wayyyy behind on project work!
yuck man! i hate self-project works!!
i rather meet up and all.. yeah.
aiya.. whatever lahh! jus be done with it and over already..

if i cant make it to year 2..
i so CAN make it to year 3 and graduate!
and degree and GRADUATE!
ohh yes man! i cann!
hahaa! self-motivation and zi-high-ness!!
lols!

nobody pei me ton.. =(
jia you sarah tan!

i are hungry. =(
oi stomach! why u digest so fast??
oi metabolism! why you use soo little!!
oi fats! whats your problem! stop clinging on meee!!!!!
~~tosayonething,andmeanthother. churchcamp?really? -sigh-~~

2009-06-12T20:03:00.002+08:00

what is happiness?

to me, happiness is when your feel most satisfied and contented. when your with people you love and trust. and when that guy makes you feel special and loved.. (:
happiness to live day by day, optimistic.. it is to listen to your favourite music and sing along. it is to be most comfortable, to have a contented smile on your face when everything goes bad. cause you know there will be someone backing you up.(:
to me, that is happiness, that is now.

=D
i know, very random.
but i realise that when i came to poly.. i am home. i am happy. i am contented. i am loved.
thank you daddy God. (:

holidays are here!! heres hoping everyone whos holiday to not keep sleeping (yes, hexun talking to U! =P) , to study but not too hard (cao xin!) , to have super much much fun going clubbing (all those bitches going Attica without me!), to go for group projects, ( you guys and all!!!).. hahaa! =P lalala~

seriously dunno what im talking about here lah..
but i just feel like typing.. cause the sound very nice.. and to try to forget that people are going clubbing without the GINNA me!!!
never mind! going home with dumb blond later.. should be interesting.. i hope. hahaa.! (:

ohoh! tell you about yesterday..
went out with ames after hectic hectic hectic school and projects..
WALKED to amk hub AGAIN.. long way some more. basket lorr.
then went to eat sushi.. cause the day before, ate alot of sushi already, still gelat! so only ate 2 plates..
then went to coffee bean! i think the prices there up-ed already..
anyways, he ate cheese cake, i got mocha ice blend.
then i bought ba zhang home to eat.. this year, no ba zhang, so super feel like eating ba zhang. hahaa!
then went to popular.. got the most awesomely awesome highlighters! eraser-ble wann.. =D
and new card holder for the tap card..
he got file, highlighters, card holder and fullscape paper.. i think he EATS fullscape paper.. yeah! hahaa! uses alot lorr! waste paper guy! hahaa!
then after that, home. (:

next time ah.. im going to get him for keep pointing to dustbins and saying that thats my home.
then when i say back, he keeps twisting it to say until like im complimenting him. tsk!
nevermind! in the end i think i got him back.. thanks to his super dumb blond moments.. hahaa! BAGUS! i like. =D

today, started with 8AM PHARMOCOLOGY!! no life i tell you!
then every friday i will moody moody wann..
after pharm went to eat macs, but dont feel like eating.. went to cheers with dolly got pao.. which is uncooked!! iknowleft!
then slacked till 12, went to bio lesson. slept like a *oink*..
gosh! super holiday mood already leh! keep sleeping in lecturers!!
after holiday must tighten the belt, pull up the socks and bundle up the hair.!!

saw Joy.. shes sooooo!!!!! RED! hahaa!
gosh! library's closing and all! so cannot write super long post already!
=D

YOUTH CAMP HERE I COME!!!!!
SOOOOOO CANNOT WAIT!!!!
lalala~
c u! happy holidays! (:

ps; to diyana.. happy end of holidays.! hahaa! dont emo! study hard bimbo! love you! muarks!

2009-06-11T23:57:00.002+08:00

delirious around you
drenched in your aura
getting high just being with you.
never regretting. (:

2009-06-10T23:03:00.008+08:00

wooo hoo!! today marks the end of all the mini test!
bio prac FINISHED! hahaa..
and; i call it mini tests cause its for the small modules or those test where it covers less than 50%..

oh my gosh.. now its the mad rush to finish projects and all..
my group have 6 projects to do within 2 weeks..
crazy or what?? iknowLEFT!
so excited! i know its alot of work.. but we'r all in this together right?? (:
do i love project works or what! lols! =D

today finished bio prac.. then meet the AN lecturer.. goodness, did we get alot of nagging of what? thanks ah cao xin! lols! no la..

then after that marhaini, dolly and me stayed back for mini meeting..

i am soo going to nag everybody tomorrow ah.. we are soo behind time like goodness knows what lorr..
sarah tan! somemore you still going malaysia leh! group leader somemore.. oh daddy God, give me PEACE and WISDOM!!
seriously hope i cann finish up all the projects, and arrange for teachers meeting the last week of holiday. *cross fingers*

after that went to collect my lost ez-link.. =D

then went to yew tee to find kakak one-big-fish go eat sushayy..
sushi was bagus! so was the ramen.. i think me and dolly under paid da jie.. tml mus pass her 2bucks more or something..
then after that walked around and found a very very nice and cute little thing!! =D i shall hang it with the handphone accesorise and my bag.. fantabulous!

ohoh.. today i went to the auditorium there selling john little sale the cha-pa-langs and all.. wanted to buy chocolates cause i was feeling super moody because alot of things happen yesterday..
but then i ended up buying PINKY! that fellow.. gosh.. i think im gonna bring im everyday until holidays come, to sleep in lectures and all.. haha! which is about 2 days in total.. lols! =D

PINKY cute right! iknowLEFT! cause like mother like daughter mahh! hahaa!
shes pinky, and im brain. oh hai there.. =D

i took pictures of pinky in lecture cause it was boring.. everybody in holiday mood already..
somemore, its a small module.. yet the lecturer yack on like nobody's business.. and the lecture before that ,which was quite a big module, ended early lahh.. BAGUS.

gosh.. do i love ramona for trying to cheer me up today or what!! =D
love u babe to the max max! and dolly PORK too!

and i cant wait till youth camp, even though its going to be a alot of cramp project works and spritual rest.. =D

randomly took this photo but i love the effects and the BLUE most AWESOME LIGHT! =D

2009-06-09T15:08:00.003+08:00

i are at SP.. hahaa!

cant stay at home cause cannot study. so met up with jovi, went to JP to eat, met DOLLY PORK, then came to SP to use computer and try to study bio..
but i dont know how to open my book that shouts "Nanyang Polytecnic" on top.. sigh. and that jovi also sitting like 10thousand miles away. tsk.
all PS-ers!

seriously gotta start studying man!
bio is tomorrow you know, sarah tan!

ohoh! if you got time, see this video.. =D

2009-06-09T00:50:00.000+08:00

awesome! BAGUS! i like!

2009-06-08T22:27:00.005+08:00

hi, hello. (:

today is dolly's birthday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOLLY PORK! =D

i saw this little kitty cat on the way to school.. sooo cute! and soo pretty!! its fully black, with like a white fur bib.. and you see its eyes.. mesmerising eyes! it's yellowishy-green, with a jet black streak down the middle.. mummy, i want!

then reach school.. ayu tested my camera.. and produced out, this photo! hahaa! dunno what the Dolly PORK doing.. hahaa! trying to be a DUCK.!

after pharm, went to celebrate DOLLY'S BIRTHDAY!!
this is her cake.. so pretty and nice and shiny and all.. (:

happy birthday to Dolly! before cutting the cake, sheena 'sai' a candle inside inside the cake.. ask her cannot use her hand go and take it out.. then they made JY kiss dolly! =D
but, aiya, so sad.. he only kiss her side of the forehead.. yes i know, got mouth, nose, eyes for him to kiss.. but he kiss her FOREHEAD, and the side of it somemore.. aiyo.
after that is the nua-ing and 'bashing' time.. i saw that jamal.. he keep using me as his tissue paper! den he also dont let me nua him. he GOOD. next time his birthday he watch out! even if its fasting month, i will tape all his openings and still BASH him like no tomorrow.! =D

then the Dolly also.. its not my birthday or anything.. yet everybody aim me also.. then the gloria never kena nua-ed again! and pei yun keep running away! goodness! 'dont shy mahh.. i love you all you know.. hahaa! why never let me hug you???'
and then right, this mona, went to get sugar and told me after everything put sugar on dolly's head then sparkle shiny very nice.. in the end, sugar went on MY HEAD. THANKS LAH GLORIA CAI! i know its you lorr.. tsk!

then after that me and dolly went to bath and saw the 38s freshening up also.. next birthday, i PROMISE, everyone in the class will kena NUA-ED! i PROMISE!! yes mummy, including you! and kakak too.!

after bathing dolly wanted to dry her hair.. dont you think she look like she detach her head from her body?? i think looks like leh! NVM! (:
'ahh! dont hurt meee!!!' no la, kidding man.. but looks like right! =X i think this picture very nice! =D
came out and dolly opened her presents.. (:
and she took 10thousand years to open her presents.. literally! reallly!!!! cause she said she wants to keep the rapper and all.. i went to sleep just waiting for her to open presents! and that explains the next picture..

suddenly opened my eyes and saw this! i think e colour all very nice lorr! iknowleft! =D
i took this picture of the cjy, because he sits like a gay.. dont you think so? hahaa! of course! cross leg and all.. =Dthen after that they went out for birthday dinner.. just them two.. to billy bombers, jy told me..
and i went home..
then in the middle of no where i got a call.. it was Dolly 'eh, you know bishan got seoul garden anot?' then after that dunno what happen.. two of them msging me.. lols! nonsense leh.. ok. if you dont understand nvm! cause i was thinking its like date so i wont msg dolly about projects, other then the one about tomorrow not going to school, then they call and msg me. er. nvm! (:

erm, ok, happy ending. =D
boy,iwassoohappywhenyouopenedtheconversation.(:

2009-06-04T21:03:00.004+08:00

i pass statistics! yayy!
=D
i are cao xin's lucky star.. hahaa! i rescued her when she doesnt have any statistics book.. =D
shock of my life i tell you., when she leaned over and whispered 'lend me your stats book' !!

soo far, everything pass..
i think tomorrow is failure day.. hahaa!
i still have not memorised the 15 pharm drugs..
and theres lab skills prac assessment..
=/
gosh.

and mona said im a joy to be with! =D
oh do i love that woman or what! lols! ok.. =X

you know what?
you know WHAT ANOT?????
hahaa!!!
ooooo.!!! now can borrow 6 books from the library! =D
BAGUS!

iwanttoliveamongstmusicagain,especially piano.
sawyoutodayboy.(:

2009-06-03T18:13:00.004+08:00

and my stomach goes.. GROG! shalalalala! GROG! shalalalala! GROG! shalalalala!

damn sick and all.

i dont like it.
i just its all kind of over.. but before that was soo extreme i thought i comitted murder or something..

im just... seh..
my stomach agrees.. grogologolg.!

oh dear.. statistics howw???
crap.

2009-06-01T20:15:00.003+08:00

goodness, do i miss that day soo badly or what.. hahaa!

2009-06-01T19:40:00.006+08:00

ohmygosh.!
exam is tomorrow and i havent studied yet..
i think i'll most probally pass lab prac.. (fingers crossed)
i hope i can pass research method i finish reading and understand lecture 5,6,7 and 8..
goodness! dont start me on stats and projects and all..
*sigh* but poly is still fun.. hahaa!

you know what? im soo sick, of people writting their blogs in their own language and all.. if is not meant for the world world to read please state so.. or cann put there big big - this is not meant for you to see. or something.. aiya, whatever lah.

this is just vent-tation.. =/
1) your tired of whatever and whatever and want to study and shits. then good for you. i will talk to you again, but im still pissed of. the more i see you, the more i think of you, the more im pissed of. and todayi was shocked by a question, didnt know why? becos things rite now r sooo fucked up, whatever i said/replied to that question, was crap and bullshit. well, most of it, 90%..
2)today, i so badly want to be with you 24/7.. in class with you, when you pon lectures to do project work.. boy i miss you soo much, and you dont know that. ='/ i want to talk to you everyday like last year, i want to laugh with you, i want to msg u everyday, i want to go out with you.. and everytime i hear that song, i think of u and all.. i want to see u soo badly everyday, everytime i walk closer to there, keep wanting to see you, but then i will walk away disappointed.. and everytime i will pray, "God, lay my pulsating heart to rest, let me love only you God. i dont want this feeling to him anymore." and pray as much as i do, my racing pulse, the pain in my heart just increases everytime i see you. damn.
3)i think you freaking use-ing me and dolly. you ass. today i finally understood. fuck you, go die. (:
*erm, if you read the above, all 3 are different people. (:*

please please please dear daddy God, let me pass everything tomorrow..
let it be; the "cathete-terisation" , or NG and suction.
please please please..tolong tolong tolong..
ifeellikechangingchurch,icantkeeprunningaway.maybeaftercamp.

2009-05-29T09:39:00.002+08:00

sometimes, its those closest to you that bring you down..
i am not being emosi terganggu., just realistic.

yesterday was FUN! (:
popeyes!, flyer!, ... and.. RAT.
hahaa!

2009-05-27T23:52:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOO, BABE!!!!

2009-05-26T23:47:00.002+08:00

big thank you for babe for the 2nd week macs cup!!!

yayys!!! iloveyou!!!!

thursday. (:

2009-05-22T23:32:00.004+08:00

oh,MYGOSH!

how about some people are just soooo inconsiderate about life..
why in the nonsensical crap do you bring your Adult Nursing project to do ask the Bio lecturer lahh..
and then take 10 thousand years to ask, question by question okay.. ohmygoodness! what is WRONG with you people.. i even fell asleep waiting lahh!!
and then the BEST, MOST AWESOME question you ask the DOCTOR.. "WHAT IS THE NURSING MANAGEMENT FOR SUCH PATIENT?"

what in the WHAT??? you go and ask doctor about the nursing management.. *clap clap clap* sooooo smart rite?! *rolls eyes*

im soooo AMAZED that the lecturer have the freaking patience to answer those freakin' dumb questions of yours lahh..
OHMYGOSH.

and you still have the cheek to come and nua me and "never say hello to me ah?" please lahh.. how about 1 tight slap.?? oh, no wait. your not even worth it to make my hand pain.
i mean, me and dolly waiting there like gundos, thinking 'waahh, soo hardworking..' right? wth! go down and see what they talking about.. AN project work.. BEST.

year 2 got alot of projects and tests and what the wadever it is lahh..
and is all like within 2 weeks kind.. wah lau, cannot wait for holiday, church camp, in june cann.. hahaa! somemore i leader.. *PENG SAN*
how about i dont even have the organising skills lahh.. goodness! im soo blur like sotong.!

i realise i have lost touch with my cheena!! lols!
shall try to talk as much cheena in school from now on.. hahaa!
and also go north canteen eat cheap food already..
0.0
am i soooo POK-ed or what.. tsk.
still want to go out huh sarah tan? still want to go watch night at the museum 2 lahh.. really POK then you know ah sarah tan! lols!!
*wahh! die oso must watch night at the museum 2 mann! or go buy during camp also cann.. =P*

i cant believe like my schedules soo darn packed and crashed but im still quite relaxing relaxing lahh.. must draw out schedule and paste on wall already..
-tests b4 holidays, plus babe birthday, plus Dolly Tan birthday..
-presentations after holidays, plus during holidays no time to do project..
wahh, think about this.. SEH already..

*oink.*

i hope next week sometime can go gloria jeans buy ginger bread man, plus go nyp shop buy dunno what for Dolly Tan, plus go macs dere buy cake, plus go get the macs cup, plus go et sushi with and Dolly, plus plus plus.. come to think about it..
i think next week i'll spend about 100.. lols! POK ALREADY!!! ARGH!
-this are the rare times when i regret not going to sign bond.. lols!

-seriously hope the tyg cann wake up
-seriously hope my GPA is enough to go sign bond next sem
*Daddy God help me.. *

2009-05-21T09:35:00.001+08:00

i are lazy to post anything.

nothing to post also.. meh.

2009-05-15T23:16:00.004+08:00

i want to shout and say alot alot of things.. but i dont know who i can trust..
in the end.. all that i'll say is something that is light and not what i want to say at all..

so i'll just spew something here..
some things.. i gotta get of my back.
but, im just venting, i probly have no idea what im talking about..

~~jean. am i super that irritating? cause if i am, please say so. cause i dont like half halfs.. cause if i am, then i would know what to do.~~

my heart wrenches when i think about church, church friends, life in church. i think, i was almost never comfortable in church.. because, absolutely nobody knows that im actually loud, that im actually hyper like crazy.. in church, i feel like a irritating bug that people just want to get rid of. i feel like, im doing something wrong everytime i make a move. i feel invisible, lost, uncomfortable. i know Father God loves me, but, it seems like he's the only one for me, just about everyone is against me.

i want, the class to go back to normal. i want, the da jies to take care of the class again. i want, no biasness. i want, closeness and no bitchin, backstabbing or hurts. i love love them all.. i know, that the da jies want to practice.. i know that maybe they don't know everything.. but, just maybe, you would include everyone too? i don't know, but im quite happy yet not very happy.. i dont know. (: nobody/ no class is perfect anyways.. (: and right now, i love them to bits.. but if only joy, hexun and yong gui is always around too....
i love joy for being at the lift and coming out to 'zi high' cause i needed it.. (:

2009-05-15T20:16:00.003+08:00

.

feeling very uncertain about things right now..
used to be thankful of it..
but now im fearful..

shouldnt have decided on the spot to go VJC tomorrow..
i regret. but im still going..

i want to watch night at the museum 2! (:
i want to sleep early today..
i want to go mothers day celebration dinner tomorrow..
i want to play bridge..
i want to go malaysia during youth camp and stay with becky..
i want to go buy mp3 this coming IT fair..
goodness i want soo many things..
hahaa! im soo greedy.. =P

2009-05-14T19:53:00.002+08:00

An Old Lady's Poem

What do you see, nurses,
what do you see?
What are you thinking
when you're looking at me?

A crabby old woman,
not very wise,
Uncertain of habit,
with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles her food
and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice,
"I do wish you'd try!"

Who seems not to notice
the things that you do,
And forever is losing a
stocking or shoe...

Who, resisting or not,
lets you do as you will,
With bathing and
feeding, the long day to fill...

Is that what you're thinking?
Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse:
you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am
as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding,
as I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of ten...
with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters,
who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen,
with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now
a lover she'll meet.

A bride soon at twenty...
my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows
that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now,
I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide,
and a secure happy home.

A woman of thirty,
my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with
ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons
have grown and are gone,
But my husband's beside me
to see I don't mourn.

At fifty once more,babies
play round my knee,
Again we know children,
my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me,
my husband is dead;
I look at the future,
I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing
young of their own,
And I think of the years
and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old woman...
and nature is cruel;
'Tis jest to make old age
look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles,
grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone
where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass
a young girl still dwells,
And now and again
my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys,
I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living
life over again.

I think of the years...
all too few,
gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact
that nothing can last.

So open your eyes,nurses,
open and see,
Not a crabby old woman;
look closer...see ME!!

when i read this.. i just want to keep remind that people invlolved in the healthcare aspect..
yes, we grow tired of the turnovers, and the many "f-ed" patients..
but i believe beneath all that, is just plain heart to heart touch that is needed.. not hardware, but HEARTware..
so next time, i go attachment.. all i want to do.. is touch the hearts. (:

2009-05-12T22:35:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAN YUAN PING!!! (:

look how concentrated she is on her cake.. hahaa!

today is yuan ping's birthday! it was fun!

we celebrated at the small 'ting zi' (hut?)there.. cause macs no more space you see..
so we gathered there.. sheena went to get the cake, gloria and joy went to get the ketchup and mayo.. =D
we also realised nobody brought lighter.. -,-

so after they sang happy birthday to yuan ping, they smashed her with the sauces.. =D

here.! (:
then she tried to 'nua' everybody with the sauces! hahaa!
then she went to toilet to clean up while that gloria secretly went to macs to take more ketchup..
when yuan ping ping came back she kena smacked again by ketchup before she cut the cake.. =D
ate cake, then water pouring! and cam-whoring! (:

then went all over the school for some reason i forget.. saw hexun at computer lab level 5.. watched handsome suit with him! although i watched like only for half an hour, but theres one scene i saw.. cause like the person is not supposed to touch hot water.. but he forgot and want to bath! wonderful! so apparently the suit is like a dummy, then he trys to run home with the suit.. i mean you imagine a plump guy running with only a towel wrapped around and carrying something that looks like a person! hahaa! then after that he sees someone who really really freaked out! hahaa! omg! damn funny the scene! i laughed like from computer lab to lecture hall la.. then the hexun over there ' i don't know her, she ki siao already.' then the dolly also just stone walking there also.. like they escorting a patient fresh from IMH.. goodness!
then went to lecture.. took out my research methods book, made myself comfortable and went to sleep together with dolly.. hahaa! this is the only lecture we sleep in.. because, oh my gosh! the lecturer sooooo loh soh! he can talk about why we must find a good article for a good 15-30 mins! hahaa! woke up halfway to hear him saying about asking the lecture hall whether they wanted to come back on saturday.. 'huh?' then after that heard him laughing 'nono, its just a example harr.! dont come back on saturday.. nobody here.!' =,=
today soo happening.. lols!

and again.. pictures all over facebook..
btw, i think ayu's camera is awesome!
and it looks like joy is changing from a 'ah lian' to a laydeee!! =D and a hardworking lady too..

then after school mum and dad came to fetch me cause they went to mandai cause today xiao yi poh last day.. i heard my grandmother had rained.. i believed after that maybe she forgot.. or refuse to remember. after all shes the last flower left of the three..

after that went back to grans place to eat..
they cooked steak and goodness what.. and mummy bought pickles for meee!! happiness!
i lurve lurve pickles! =P
the food was awesomely yummylicious! and im not exaggerating.. =D

i hope liana recovers fast fast..
i got no time to waste. i want to finish all projects asap!.
exam next week for lab skills. stressed. hahaa!

i believe nobody read my blog already.. hahaa! nevermind!
i like to just sit down and type type type..
oh that reminds me! need to get a blog and a blogskin for the statistics module presentation..
yes! i also have to idea why nursing have to study statistics.. hahaa! -,-

i realise.. when i blog i feel like i write alot alot.. but then after that when i post it up.. like i didnt write anything much.. goodness! i think i must go and train trian trian myself to write long long long essay or something.. dont you think that my posts all like very short? hahaa! that time my brother saw me blogging then after a while i finish.. then he look over and " huh? your blog post so short wann ah?" -,-
i like blog post short mahh! hahaa! no la.. i dont know leh.. type type so long but then come out like nothing much.. hahaa! i think im repeating! okok! =X

2009-05-11T21:10:00.005+08:00

i know why i have been in such a bitchy mood the past week already...
stupid hormones acting without a warning..
so now im just really really hungry even though i have eaten..
bah.

im so sad my milo dinosaur cup serene jie jie got me was broken by my unty and then THROWN AWAY.. =(
almost broke down crying.. seems like alot of things are slipping from my grasp..

apparently i was easily pissed of that day.. and so were you..
whatever and whatever it will be, it will be then..
im too lazy or tired to say anything more..

i realise.. it hard to feel happy these few days.. and church, its the toughest place to feel some happiness.. its not that im saying the church is bad or God is 'something something'.. no.
im just... tired. of trying hard without any progress..
" The less you talk, the more you're heard" saw this quote on the bus that day..
its bullshit crap. the more i keep quiet, the more people dont listen.. and i tried being myself at church.. but,... aiya. whatever. i cant be bothered about it anymore..
and with church camp coming.. how i wish like, the swine flu will be here and camo will be cancelled or something (whatever God has in store). im just soooo frustrated and i dont want to give anymore chances, because im sick of wasting my emotions over nothing, cause nothing changes.

im not quiet. it is either i don't know what are you talking about, or you don't/ don't want to listen.

school, mona, ayu, marhaini, ila, dolly, joy, hexun, caoxin, jamal.. they are my emotional food, they keep me real, they keep my feet on the ground and still i have fun. without them i will really crash. thank you, just because. (:

death ain't "just a change of address", damn it!!
its someone i cant talk to/ contact/ find for advice/ confide/ tell secrets to/ go out with/ look at anymore.
its someone gone from earth.
its a preciouse person gone from my life.
its something that cannot be rewinded.
don't you understand! -emotions running wild-
(i miss serene jie jie and ah gong.. and i still feel the pain in me and the people around me)

2009-05-09T12:29:00.002+08:00

death.
expected. yet, shocked.

was still thinking of her that morning..
wanting to go visit her one last time..
but it was too late.

2009-05-07T20:44:00.004+08:00

today i realise i've changed..

i used to think..
the more people die, the better.. cause then, the number of animals vs. the number of people would be 'equaller'
then, today ramona asked me..
' what if it happened to you?' and my reply was ' it has already happened'..
' so do you want it to keep happening?' she replied..

and i kept quiet.

"i guess not."

imma bitch these few days, gossiping about people, bitching and getting pissed off without thinking..
im terribly sorry to those who i have offended.. i'll be back to quite the normal soon..
and probably i wont be screaming in people's ear in school that much.. (:

but i still like to randomly sing some random song to people i see..
apparently this few days is the last line of 'happy birthday'..
bear with it. (:

i realise, that some things, even though you try to change it/her/him, it doesn't/will never change. and you just have to cope with it and reign the tears in when all you want to do is cry a flood.. kudos to you who are so brave and strong..

am looking forward to the weekends! daddy birthday tomorrow, and then sunday is MOTHERS DAY!! hahaa! i hope something good will happen!! =D

2009-05-04T23:04:00.004+08:00

my stomachs so darn pain lah..
wah lao lizards lah!!
then coudn't sleep the whole night.. and lao sai-ed the whole night..
and still lao sai-ing.. =,=

at least, im happy i passed my hypo count test.. (:
cause this means i can remember the assessment! hahaa!
*ahem* you see, hypocount is easier in the hospital, cause most of the time is implementation.. and also if you want to assess in the hospital, by the time nurses assess every patient, have to work double shift liao.. worst than OT lo.. =D

im sooooo craving for sooooo many many things but most of what i cann eat is half bland and warm drinks..
super hope my stomach recovers asap! den i cann eat n drink cold drinks to the happiness! =D

and also, i think all the schools are doing the temperature monitering thing already.. like when you go take your temperature, its like going to the airpot.. like, this door frame thing you step through to see when your temerature is of normal range, then look at a camera, walk a few steps, tap your card, take a sticker and your done.. i thought is some like, stick the thermonmeter into the ear lo.. i think the thermonmeter thing is funner.. hahaa..

i think, the church should unorganise themself.. hahaa! its sooooo statistically incline and sooo many double meanings.. its a bit screwed.. i seriously have never seen a 'family' sooo damn organised.. i mean, the pastor said he should start trying to be a 'father to the church'.. dumb, dumb,dumb,dumb. please open your fat assed eyes and SEE that everyone is soo uncomfortable.. open your eyes and SEE that what yo created is a profit orgaisation and not a 'family'.. even the youth, which is supposed to be wild and everything is sooo catagerised and carefully thought.. i think you just dont understand the meaning of CELLS.. cells are the most basic, it also has a membrane covering it to secure and protect.. you are sooo dumb to go break the cell and like, put a muscular cell with a nervous cell, kind of thing.. please lahh.. wake up. thats sooo damn dumb.. and im sooo sooo irritated by this, i mean, you were so comfortable doing your own thing and slowly growing.. then WHAM.. change change change*snap snap snap* then those who change have to drop back to practically NIL and start to freaking go make connections again.. cann you be more decisive, cann you be like the H1N1 flu.. when it hits, it decides to hit as hard as it cann.. dont waver like a fanny.. its damn disgusting. and once you make a bloody damn decision, freaking stick to it lahh.. wa lao eh..

okae.. i have vented alot.. hahaa.. many thanks to the great yixian for listening to me venting it out.. cause it really means alot to have a friend and confidient who is most of the time willing to listen and is never in a bad mood.. yayys! thank God for giving me such a leader and a friend.. (:

today i was talking to dolly when we were eating lunch.. and she wanted to get desserts.. cause the koufu was quite noisy, i heard as LIZARDS.. hahaa.! she she said 'i give you 5 dollars you go help me catch 500 lizards lah'.. then i told her ask her get her boyfriend help her.. and dolly that woman said.. 'ask the R(someone that some of you know.. tiko*cough cough*) to help lah.......(pause)...... eh nonono.. later catch already then ownself eat them..' hahaa!
okae.. if you dont understand never mind! its something like a insider joke.. =D

2009-05-02T13:53:00.002+08:00

yesterday was ayus engagement..
ohmygosh she looked sooo prettayee!!

then went to jurong point with joy, yuan ping, sheena, ying gui, hexun, dolly and jun yong..
ate long john silver, walked around, then around 8pm the joy, yuan ping and sheena had to go home..
so left hexun, yong gui, me, dolly and jun yong.. decided to play pool at city hall..
(yayy! i learn how to play pool! hahaa!)
played until about 11.30.. then yong gui, hexun, dolly and jun yong caught the last train home.. mummy and daddy come and fetch me.. (:
and i hope hexun got the bus home from tampines instead of cabbing home..

pictures all over the facebook.. cause i didnt bring camera..

2009-04-30T10:53:00.002+08:00

Boom Boom Pow - BLACK EYED PEAS

this song has been playing in my head for some days already...
i finally found the title.. hahaa!

went out to ang mo kio, toa payoh and bugis with dolly, jy and hexun..
oh, and yong gui came with us to find long john silvers then left..

actually dolly and me wanted to go find clothes, find find find.. in the end didnt buy anything.. instead is the guys that bought something.. hahaa..

nevermind.. dolly and me going to ang mo kio the this fashion today again.. saw something nice..
(:

2009-04-28T09:00:00.000+08:00

View this movie at cultureunplugged.com

dont ask, just watch.

2009-04-27T20:36:00.002+08:00

i know my faults, and i kind of have been through this before..

so now, i will not hound;
i will not beg;
i will not demand..
its up to you to give or not to give..
whatever it is, those who gave will have their names written on the white envelope, nothing more said..

all i see is your back, red shirt and black haversack, quietly i smile and say... come what may, i'll still be here for you.

2009-04-23T18:53:00.002+08:00

sarah's in school right now cause she doesn't feel like going home..
and shes thinking about the oncoming projects and stuff..
-its wierd talking in third person... -,-

anyways...
i was looking through joy's blog.. and i super uber uber miss joy and yong gui..
so long never see joy's happy face and hearing her super loud obnoxious voice.. =D
and so long never see yong gui laughing and stoning with hexun at the lecture hall.. and i also miss ka-jiaoing him..
and even hexun i also dont see him often.. even though he has some modules with us..

i miss them 3.. lots lots lots lots lots lots lots........... ='(

2009-04-20T20:05:00.002+08:00

some of jeans birthday pictures..

thank you many many jean for the message after your birthday cause for some reason i was feeling super neglected and lost.. (:

GOODNESS!!!

school started today... almost slept during lecture.. ALMOST!

the atmosphere was soo good la..

aircon, dimmed lights, someone dronning on and on.. and all thats lacking is a pillow..

tomorrow starts at 8 too! -,-

dumb. dumb. dumb.

well.. at least the night classes havent begun... gosh! poly life in 2nd year is pathetic.. luckily got grp26..

2009-04-19T14:06:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

JEAN!!!!

2009-04-15T11:49:00.002+08:00

a random story.. (:

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.
They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said,
'THAT'S IT! I have had enough.. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports .

They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming: '

It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate.

'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'

God just shrugged and said,

JESUS SAVES....

2009-04-14T20:55:00.001+08:00

if you are thirsty, only drink.
if you are hungry, only eat.
if you are tired, only sleep.

if you want a miracle, only only only BELIEVE!

2009-04-13T10:26:00.008+08:00

GNS WAS AMAZING!!!

if you didnt go, its a pity... but i'll ask around if they are selling the recorded vcds on GNS... i hope so.. (:

DAY 1;

GNS(Good News Singapore) was only to begin at 7.30pm, a crowd had started queuing at the SIS(Sigapore Indoor Stadium) as early as 12pm..

It begun with a superbly powerful time of worship. Then Reinhard Bonnke introduced his colleague Evangelist Daniel Kolenda, who told of how God had raised his great-grandfather, Paul, from the dead because Paul's father would not stop praying till he received an answer from God. Daniel also shared about how God has intended that Jesus' death on the cross would give us power to live life free from bondage and sickness.

Reinhard Bonnke went on to share that God wants not only to save us, but to set us completely free. "Today is the day of salvation! The border of eternity is never ahead of you, it is now!"

the border to eternity runs parallel to you, it never runs ahead of you.. and you can step over it ANYTIME.

Some of my questions were answered that day.. awesome awesome awesome!!

DAY 2;

From Psalm 124:7 in the bible; “Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers: the snare is broken, and we are escaped.”

Revrend Reinhard Bonnke asked the crowd to picture a cage with birds inside. Some birds were born in that cage, other birds were caught from outside and put in the cage.

He drew a parallel to mankind and explained that those born in the cage know only the confines of the cage that is sin and nothing of freedom that God intended. Others know of God’s freedom but get caught away and bound by their sins. Jesus passed by that cage and bought all those birds with a high price. He paid with His death on the cross to set us free, like a bird set free from a snare.

Day 3 ,morning;

i learnt that to be used by God, i cannot be cold, but instead keep hot to be used.. like a owner with many stoves, many are already warmed up, and many are cooled down.. when the owner want to heat up a cup of coffee.. which does he use? those already warm.. so we must keep warm, because we are to be used and not useless..

and also, hot stoves keep flies away.. when you burn, the devil sees and senses that, and runs away..

God doesnt just beckons you to anoint your finger, or your toe, or your hand.. he throws YOU in the liquid fire, so that you will have the full anointing so much so that it goes into you, fills you up.. and when you walk, even your footsteps, even your shadow drips with his anointing..

LOVELY!

and PLANETSHAKERS was AWESOME!

Day 3, evening;

Learnt that God is heartbroken, like a parent who has just lost a child. God’s love causes Him to seek us out, to wait for us to turn back to Him, and to run toward us when we do. he gives us a choice and patiently waits, will you run back to him today?

PICTURES!!

Xian on the piano!! picture effects are so nice! =D

if jean reads this.. i want to tell her.. to pray about it, just like how the great great grandfather prayed about his dead son paul.. don't stop until you get an answer.. because God will always come through, bacause you are not overlooked..

2009-04-10T13:20:00.002+08:00

its like im invisible..
but when im visible, i get all the blame..

stupid attachments..

guess only those people who go through the same attachment as me understands..
like the rest of my friends don't even care..

i guess, i know why im the silent one to those in church..
well then, even if im your longest friend, im still a touch and go friend. if im gone, nobody will feel anything anyway.. im just the silent one.

GOOD riddance.